Realisation
by Your-High-Lady
Summary: This story is about Feyre. She has a couple of small dreams she wants to achieve but turns out it isn't as easy as she imagined it would. Trust me, the story is better than the summary. Modern AU. Feysand.
1. Chapter 1: Meeting

AN: Hello, thank you for clicking on my story. I reside in the wonderful country of Aotearoa, more commonly as New Zealand. That is why the way I've described school/high school differently. It is pretty similar to the US education system but just in case, here are a few guidelines:

-Year 13 is the last year in high school before we go to university. Primary=elemantary, intermediate/senior college=middle/high school.

-I've kinda mixed up the arrangement of the timetables in the US and NZ.

-None of this should cause you to rack your brain because you don't understand what's happening.

Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the beautiful Sarah J Mass.

High School.

Ugh.

I stood three steps away from the threshold. Three steps forward and I would enter my first class in Year 13.

I didn't want to do it, but I also did. I wanted to finish high school so that I could go to college. Since I was thirteen, I'd wanted to just get it over with. Rush through primary, intermediate and then finally senior college. All so that I could fulfil my two dreams. Stanford University and a loving boyfriend. Cheesy, I know. But those were my dreams, deal with it. To study art at Stanford and to find a handsome boy there who would love and cherish me.

The second I knew I wanted to go there, I started saving up. And after five years of saving up every single note and coin I got, I'd finally done it. Yes, I would have to get a small-sized student loan and another loan from my parents(I insisted I give them back their money), but after all that money was put together, I would have enough for my first year plus tuition. Once I settled in I would get a job or two and pay off the loans. It'd be perfect.

But to do those things, I had to finish high school first. So those three steps, I took.

—

Heading to my usual seat at the back, I took out my sketching book. I'd had a dream last of the sunset rising behind snow-capped mountains(I had no idea why) and wanted to get it down on paper before the picture got out my brain.

It barely took a minute before I was completely engrossed with my sketching. In fact, I got so occupied that I didn't realise how much time had passed before the bell rang. Jumping at the loud noise, I quickly shoved my sketching book into my bag and took out my maths book. But instead of taking the roll, the teacher called up a new student. "Tamlin, would you please come up here?" Miss Smith asked the golden-haired boy sitting two rows in front of me. He was quite handsome for his age. He was tan and muscled. I was willing to bet he was a jock, always playing basketball and football and all the other ball-sports. And weirdly enough, I had to resist a gasp when I saw his deep green eyes which were flecked with gold. They were quite pretty and unusual. Miss Smith flicked her red-gold over her shoulder. Everyone knew she was the school's slut-teacher. I shook my head in disgust, wondering why heck the school still employed her. "Why don't you introduce yourself?" She asked, turning him to face the class. He looked over his shoulder at her, as if unsure, before turning to face the class. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. But he didn't look nervous. He looked as he didn't feel like standing up at the front of the class, as if he were some showpiece to stare at. Understandable. "Umm. My name is Tamlin. I come from Christchurch. My parents decided to move here because of the earthquakes. I love basketball, and was the captain back at home." Knew it.

"Oh, he's so hot. It's like I want to eat him," A sickeningly sweet voice whispered. I slowly, incredulously turned my head to the left to find Ianthe sitting in the chair beside me. If Miss Smith was the teacher-slut, Ianthe was the student-slut. Those two must have slept with at least seventy-five per cent of the school's boy population by now. _Can't wait 'till I get to Stanford._

Thankfully, Miss Smith didn't take long to start the class after that.

—

Just because my school wanted to be different then the others, they decided that instead of having a new class for every subject, there will be just one group of students and they will, together, move around to each class. This meant that I had to spend the rest of the day looking at and hearing Ianthe lust over Tamlin. I was the first student out of class when the bell for morning tea rung.

—

 _Ring!_

I smiled to myself. _Finally, lunchtime._ As I was packing my bag, I heard Ianthe approach Tamlin, followed by her menagerie of friends. "Hey, Tamlin." She purred, twirling her blonde hair around a manicured finger. She had the Look. Mor and I had come up with the term a year or so ago. Whenever she was trying to woo someone or not-so-subtly inviting them to bed, she got the Look. Her eyes glazed and her voice became all breathy, with her skin seeming to glow with arousal. It was disgusting. I pitied Tamlin. "Do you want to come to my pool party tonight? There'll be food, booze, girls." She practically drawled the last part. She had a finger rapidly sliding down his t-shirt covered chest. Tamlin caught before it could go beneath his pants. To my surprise, Ianthe let out the tiniest of whimpers. Tamlin had such a tight grip, her fingers had gone white. "No thank you." He said, smiling tightly, just as his eyes flickered in my direction, sensing my gaze. I blinked and quickly looked down, but not before seeing his lips twitch up in a small smile. I quickly hurried out of the classroom.

I was in third in line, in the cafeteria, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder to find him there. He put his hand out for a handshake, "Tamlin."

"Feyre," I said taking his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Feyre." His smile was blinding. No one had ever made me this nervous before. I wished Mor or Nesta were here. Or even Elain. But Mor had taken the day off because she was sick. Nesta and Elain were down in Dunedin, studying literature and botany. So that left me. Alone. In front of the most beautiful man, I'd ever seen.

"N-nice to meet you, too." Why, why, _why_ did I have to be such an introvert; why couldn't I be like Mor, all outgoing and loud and confident?

The smile grew, brightening up his face. My breath caught in my throat. "You needn't be so nervous. I'm not going to bite you or anything." _I wish you would._ His eyebrows rose. _Shit, did I say that aloud?_ He nodded. I clamped my hand over my mouth. I really need to get my mouth under control. He chuckled, took my hand, and kissed my palm. A jolt of electricity ran through my body when his lips came in contact with my skin. It was a surprise enough that I snatched my hand from his, and spun around, probably hitting Tamlin in the face with my hair. The person in front of me was paying for his food. As the cafeteria lady came to serve me, I heard a light chuckle behind. I was unable to suppress my own small grin.

AN: Thank you for reading. Please tell me if you like it or want me to continue. You may find it surprising(but that not much) where I plan to take this story. Just know that ship Feysand and that this chapter is necessary for the story.


	2. Chapter 2: Time Lapse

AN: It's a short one this time. But I feel like this is kind of part b to the previous chapter. I'll try to get chapter 3 up as soon as possible.

 _Ten and a half months later_

Life was amazing, after that.

The week after the meeting, Tamlin sat with me in each class and during break time. He came with me to the art room when I felt like painting, or to the library when I needed to pick up or return a book. He stayed by my side the whole time.

And during all this, I got glares from Ianthe. The whole time, I could feel her rage coming off her in waves. Big, giant tidal waves.

Multiple times, she tried to take Tamlin away. But every time she asked, he turned her down, saying that he would rather spend time with me. I laughed every time, partly because of the expressions that would cross her face, but more because of Tamlin. Every time he told Ianthe no, he would add a word at the end. For example, "No Ianthe, I would rather spend time with the beautiful Feyre." "No thank you, I much rather appreciate the company of pretty Feyre, here." For the first few times, I blushed, looking away. But then it got funny, and I kinda wanted Ianthe to hit on him if only to hear what word he would use.

It was magic. I'd never felt like this. But I'd read about it. This is what I wanted. It was one of my dreams: a beautiful boy who would love and cherish me.

One week after that, he asked me out.

Two and a half weeks after that, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

One week after that, Ianthe stopped chasing Tamlin and upped the level of her death stares that she was still giving me. She tried to spread rumours about me, but every time they got out of hand, Tamlin shut them down. Either with his bold voice or hard fists.

Eight and a half months after that, we had sex. Were it for him, we would've done it long ago, but I wanted to wait. It _was_ my first time. I couldn't help it; I was nervous. But I couldn't have asked for anything better than what he gave me. It was heavenly. For the first time, I felt like a real teenager, doing things that were normal at my age. Parties, drinking, sex. Of course, the only person I actually had sex with was Tamlin, and I was careful to stay away from the bad stuff like smoking and drugs, despite Tamlin pushing me towards those things. Mum would kill me if I ever did that stuff. Though it did surprise me a bit that Tamlin was into this stuff, what with him being a basketball player and all.

But that's not the point. The point is that I achieved one of my dreams. Yeah, it didn't go exactly as I had planned it, but I'd always believed everything happened for a reason. As did meeting Tamlin.

AN: Please review, it really helps me with motivation. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter is going to be a lot more moving, trust me. Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3: Horror

Chapter 3: Horror

 ** _IMPORTANT: Please read_**

 ** _Initially, I rated this story K+. I have now changed that to T because of the content in this chapter(I didn't realise how mature this story would turn out). If you would like to continue reading the story but avoid the particularly graphic rape scene I will leave a marking for you to indicate where it starts and finishes so that you don't read something you don't want to read accidentally._**

 ** _Thank you. Read ahead at your own risk._**

 ** _Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the spectacular Sarah J Mass._**

Tamlin insisted he takes me out to the movies today. It _is_ our one-year anniversary. I'd just wanted to snuggle up into his arms and watch a movie for the night, but he insisted we go out. "Why watch a movie at home, when you can watch one in the cinemas?" I still hadn't been convinced, but then he'd started kissing me and I just... melted.

I couldn't believe it had almost been a whole year, though. It felt like it was just yesterday that Tamlin had given me that smile. Tapped me on the shoulder. Asked me out. But more time had passed since then. A whole _year_ had passed. And that's what we were going to celebrate.

Hearing a knock on my door, I quickly checked that I've got everything I might need for the night. _Wallet, check; phone, check. Keys, check. Lipstick, check._ Just as I was walking to the front door, I passed a mirror hanging on the corridor wall, catching a glimpse of myself. I'd donned one of Mor's sexier dresses. A dark midnight blue lace-y thing, coming up to my mid-thighs. And it was shoulder-less, too. The whole time I was getting ready, I kept thinking about how stupid this is. _This isn't me. I don't dress like this. I don't ever wear this much make up._ But among those thoughts, were also others: _Tamlin will like this. He'll like that I put in an effort. He's always asking me to put on sexy clothes, dresses that barely cover anything. He'll like this; he is the one I'm wearing the dress for._

I'd never been great at hiding my emotions and Mor had seen the nervousness clear on my face while she watched me go through her closet. "Feyre, are you sure Tamlin is the guy you've been waiting for, for so long?" She'd asked. In turn, I'd given her a weird look and said, "Yes, of course, Mor. Why would I be with him, if that weren't the case? He _is_ the right guy. I'm sure of it." But as I'd talked to her, I'd been unable to _look_ at her. As if I knew that whatever I'd see in her eyes would convince me that this was wrong. That she was speaking the truth, while I was shielding myself from it.

I could hear her, now. She was sitting in the living room, watching a sitcom, laughing and eating dinner. Looking back at the mirror, I quickly brushed some stray hairs back and pushed my bra up before putting a smile on my face, and opened the door.

"Feyre! Are you ready for the movies?" He asked with his big smile, that had blinded me at first. Before I could answer, he leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips, before taking my arm. I quickly shouted a _bye, Mor_ , before stumbling down the driveway behind Tamlin.

In the car, he asked me about my day and other things before turning up the radio. He had some eighties music on. I went to change the channel but Tamlin stopped my hand, asking me with a little frown, "What are you doin'? Leave it on." Though his words stung a little, he was smiling, which in turn made _me_ want to smile. I didn't know what to feel. It was so weird. Just yesterday, I'd loved everything about Tamlin. I'd found everything about him just perfect. I could feel his love for me every time he looked at me. Did this have something to do with what Mor had said? Was Tamlin really not the right guy? No, of course, he was. He was the one who made butterflies appear in my stomach. He was the one who protected me. Loved and cherished me. That was what I wanted, and that's what he's giving me. That makes him the perfect one, right? _Right_?

—

I couldn't concentrate on the movie.

Mor's words kept going through my head; my _own_ thoughts kept going through my head. I just couldn't stop doubting myself. _Wasn't this what I'd wanted. Wasn't this the right thing for me. What's wrong?_

I turned my head to look at Tamlin. Unlike me, no thoughts seemed to be attacking him; his expression was one of delight. We were watching a movie about racing cars. Of course, he found it interesting—he was a man. I sighed. At least the movie was almost finished.

—

"Well, wasn't that an amazing movie?" Tamlin said to me as we exited the cinema hall. I smiled at him but didn't say anything. He gave me a small frown before linking my arm into his and said, "I've got a surprise for you." His smirk made me curious. Rather than asking him what the surprise was, I just let him lead me to where ever he wanted.

Turned out we had to drive there. I was surprised when he parked the car in front of a bar. It was called The Ale House. _Hmm_. "I want you to meet some of my friends." He said as we went inside. Inside, I could see many people dancing on the floor. Among those people were the ones who didn't have any respect for the people around them and were rubbing there near-naked and sweaty bodies against others. It was disgusting. I grabbed Tamlin's arm. "I don't want to be here." My voice came out meeker than I would've liked.

He just said, "Come on." I followed him. Later I wished I hadn't.

He led to the floor above the dance floor. Up there were small seating areas were made up of round couches. In one corner, the one we were heading towards, I could see four men and a woman. She noticed us coming and immediately alerted the others of our presence. We were within hearing distance of them know. "Hey Tamlin, got a new girl, have you?" One of them shouted, leering at me. I, subtlety, pulled my dress down. The pure greed in his face made me shudder. Instinctually moving closer to Tamlin, I linked my arm in his.

"Hey bro, how ya doin'? Tamlin said, slapping a scrawny boy with brown hair on the shoulder. As we took a seat, he introduced me to his friends. "Guys this is my girlfriend, Feyre. We're out celebrating our one-year anniversary." I was greeted by a lot of "ooh's" at that.

Tamlin then told me each of their names, starting from the left. Hart: A powerfully-built man with black hair. Dagdan: a skinny guy with black hair. Brannagh: the female version of Dagdan, also his twin sister. Bron: the man Tamlin had slapped on the shoulder. And then finally Lucien. A red-haired man with a russet and gold eye. His left eye had been replaced with a metal one, which gave him a badass look. Despite that, he seemed to me like the nicest one of all of Tamlin's friends.

After that, I mostly tuned them out. At least, until I noticed the look Dagdan was giving me. "—shot was so—" Bron was saying before Dagdan interrupted him with, "Tamlin, can I take her?" Tamlin raised his eyebrows before glancing at me. Turning back to Dagdan, he gave the smallest of nods. I whipped my head around to look at him, incredulously. He didn't even seem to be worried. He was just letting me be taken by Dagdan, who definitely did not have good intentions in mind. I tried to keep my face expressionless, despite the horror coursing through me.

Now standing in front me, Dagdan took my arm. I tried free myself from his grimy grip but it was too strong. He simply pulled me on to my feet and dragged me away with a vicious smile on his face. Tamlin didn't turn to look at me once.

Through a back door, Dagdan led me to a dark alley. I could see garbage bins overflowing with more bags on their sides. I gagged at the rancid smell. Unfortunately for me, Dagdan found this suitable enough for what he was planning to do. And I knew what he was planning to do, what Tamlin had let happen. He'd let Dagdan take me somewhere secluded so that he could do whatever he wanted to do to me. And Dagdan wanted pleasure; sex. I didn't want to do it with him. I was going to be raped if I didn't find a way out of this. But my mind had gone blank; I couldn't think past the buzzing noise in my ears.

 **Starting.**

He pushed me hard against a brick wall. I whimpered in pain, in fear. I was so scared, I felt like I could puke. But honestly, that wouldn't be so bad, if I did it on him. I huffed a laugh, at the image, before reality came back to me. I was pressed against a wall and Dagdan was pulling his pants down. As he did that, he put lips against my neck, smelling me. I felt his lips caress a sensitive spot just under the ear and shivered. His pants bunched around his feet before he put his grubby hand on my thigh. I trembled with disgust. Why, why, _why_ did I not listen to Mor. She warned me, and I chose to ignore it. And now I'm paying for it. I could feel his fat fingers pulling my panties down. I could feel him cup me, feeling how wet I was. _Damn_ my body for reacting to his… _yuckiness_. I felt tears silently drip down my cheeks. I felt dry, cracking lips, a tongue forcing its way down my throat. My hands shot up to take a hold of his arms, trying to take them off from me. But then he slapped me across the face and then thrust himself inside me. He didn't give me time to adjust. He just forced himself into me in one go. And he wasn't gentle. I was able to let out just a whimper, instead of the scream building in my throat. I didn't want him to remember me as the weak girl, who was so easy to take for himself. He tangled his fingers in my hair before yanking my head back, exposing my neck to him. He bit me, hard enough to bruise. He sucked on the skin before biting again. And again. And again. And all through that, I kept whacking him on his shoulders, arm, anywhere I could connect with him, in an attempt to push him away. But with each time he bit, it felt like his teeth got sharper, rougher, and I just couldn't. Suddenly I didn't care. I just went limp and wished for it to stop. He pulled himself out before thrusting again. Letting go of my hair, I felt him roughly pull down my dress. The sound of cloth tearing filled my ears. Then I felt his hand release open the latch of my bra. I could feel the bitter cold air touch my nipples, as they hardened. I felt his lips close around my right nipple just he bit it, hard enough to draw blood. His hand pinched my other one. I hear the whimper that gets let out of my mouth, without actually processing it. And throughout all that, reluctantly, I can feel my _own_ arousal growing. But I don't want this. I don't want Dagdan. I want… wanted Tamlin. But not anymore. Not after he let this happen to me.

 _Please, stop. Please, stop. Please, save me from this, god._ I start sobbing and heard Dagdan laugh, as he enjoyed the mental and physical torture I was going through. He thrusted a couple more times, each one harder and faster than the last. He bit my other nipple, just as hard, too. He did _everything_. Everything, that could possibly hurt me but please him. Everything. Until he finally came. He groaned and moaned as he spilled himself inside me. Thinking about his semen inside me wanted to make me puke. I even felt a little of my dinner rise up my throat.

 **Finished.**

When he was finally done, he let me drop down to the ground and pulled his pants up. I could see my panties lying in front of me, tattered. Pulling my torn dress over my breasts so that they were covered, I wrapped my arms around myself. Looking up, I saw Dagdan grinning at me. I spat in his face. He blinked at me, wiping the saliva from his face. He stared at it, frowning, before slapping me. I felt blood pool in my mouth before I spit _that_ out on the ground. I turned to glare at him, but he was already gone.

 **AN: Thank you for reading. Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4: Injustice

AN: I'm so sorry it took so long to upload this chapter. I hope you can forgive me.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the spectacular Sarah J Mass

Chapter 4: Injustice

Opening the lock on the main door, I crossed the threshold, into my—and Mor's—apartment. Mercifully, Mor had already retired to her bedroom. I went straight to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Slowly lifting my head, I looked at myself in the mirror and let my hands drop to my sides.

I sighed. My hair was dishevelled. Mor's dress hung, ripped, showing off my breasts(my bra had fallen into a pool of something that smelled distinctly like urine). I wasn't smiling. But of course, I wasn't. No one would smile after a night like this. I had often noticed a dot of light, sort of like a star, in my eyes. That light was winked out now as if it was connected with my emotions. As if darkness had overwhelmed the light.

I didn't know how I would explain this to Mor. I wanted to tell her what had happened, but I also didn't want to burden her. If I told her, I knew what she would do. First, she'd tell me "I told you so", then hug me tenderly, but quickly, before storming out of the house. Out in the wild, she'd first go to Tamlin, give him a mean scolding, a couple slaps on each cheek, ask him where Dagdan lived and then chop him up and feed the pieces to the pigs. Then she would go to Dagdan and repeat the whole process before coming back home and having a giant cry session with me.

I could imagine all of it. I knew she'd do all of that just because of how much she loves me. But I didn't want her to do any of it. I knew I should probably tell someone, if only so that Dagdan didn't rape someone else. But I just couldn't bring myself to think about it right now. I just wanted to soak myself in water, get rid of the feeling of his hands off my skin(though I didn't think that would ever happen), and go to sleep, hopefully forgetting the whole night. Peeling off all the bits of the dress, I filled the bathtub with scalding-hot water. After nearly an hour, the water had gone cold, so I put on some shorts and a t-shirt before getting into bed.

The memory of black hair, bony fingers and wet lips haunted my dreams the whole night.

—

The next morning I was woken up by a loud gasp. I opened my eyes to find Mor standing at the foot of my bed, her hands covering her mouth. I'd kicked off the duvet sometime in the middle of the night putting on show bruises, in the form of handprints, on my thighs and arms. I'd seen the first traces of them last night, in the mirror, and had expected them, just not to be so prominent. "I can explain, Mor." I hurried to tell her, getting up on to my knees. She just shook her head and said, "Was it good?"

I frowned. "What was good?"

"The sex, of course."

I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say. On the one hand, I wanted to tell her all about yesterday, but then I also didn't. Partly because I didn't want to burden her, but also because I was... _embarrassed_. I just couldn't help thinking that this was all my fault. Had I just listened to Mor or paid more attention to the signs indicating Tamlin to be like this, none of it would've happened. I wouldn't have been out with him last night, he wouldn't have taken me to meet his friends, and I wouldn't have gotten... raped.

I'd been raped.

Raped.

 _Rapedrapedraped._

"Feyre. Feyre! What's wrong?" I looked up her, blinking the tears away that had grown in my eyes. I felt my lips quiver,—my whole body quiver—as the memory of Dagdan pushing himself into me, kissing my lips, biting my nipples, came back.

"Feyre! What happened?" Her voice was stern, pulling me out of my stupor.

"He raped me." My voice was so quiet, even I didn't quite hear what I said.

"What?" A verbal cut in the haze that had taken over my mind.

"He raped me." My voice sounded so foreign then, but at least it was louder this time.

Mor just said two words, "Tell me." And so I did. I told her about Tamlin taking me to the bar, him introducing me to his friends, Tamlin letting Dagdan take me away, knowing what he had in mind. Because I knew he did. I was sure that Tamlin was aware of what was going to happen that night when he let the Bastard—as Mor and I had taken to calling him—drag me away. All his friends knew and they still let it happen. The Bastard's _sister_ let it happen to me.

And now, she was going to pay for it. They all were.

When I finished, Mor did indeed threaten to go and kill Tamlin and Dagdan, despite the red nose and eyes she had from crying, but I stopped her at the last minute.

"Killing them isn't going to help. But going to the police will." I told her calmly, though I had tears marking my _own_ face from sobbing hysterically after I finished narrating last night's events. And so that is what we did.

Both of us agreed that going to the police was more important than going to school. So once we were both ready, we left for the police station.

There we had to wait for a minute or so before a policeman called us to his desk and asked us what's wrong. "Hi, my name is Officer Cameron Smith. How can I help you." My throat closed up. I'd been so confident and sure about this before, but the _second_ he said those two sentences my brain started screaming at me: _Don't do this! You're going to embarrass yourself! No one will believe you anyways. DON'T DO THIS._ But that was just the evil side of me screaming. Now the good side of me wanted to speak: _Do it, Feyre. You have to tell him what happened so that others don't get hurt. So that_ you _don't get hurt. Tell him. Tell him what happened. Tell him._

The good side won. But I still had that lump in my throat. I nudged Mor, silently asking her to speak for me. She nodded at me, smiling encouragingly and said to the Officer in a small voice, "Last night, my friend here, Feyre, went out with her boyfriend. They had gone to the movies, but afterwards, he took her to a bar, called the Ale House. There he introduced her to some of his friends. But then one of them, Dagdan is his name, took the permission of Tamlin, her boyfriend, that _asshole_ , sorry, and dragged her to a secluded alley behind the bar. As if she's an object, you can do anything with." That last bit was whispered angrily to herself. "She tried to stop him but he didn't listen. Out there he… raped her." Until now, he'd been writing stuff in his notebook, but at that, his head snapped up to look at me. There were sorrow and disappointment in his eyes. Unable to look him in the eye, partly because of the pity mingling in his eyes but also because of his… gender, I looked away. I didn't think I would be able to meet eyes with any male for quite a while. "Were there any witnesses of it actually happening?" His voice was hard, teeth gritted, but I knew the anger wasn't directed at me. I was glad he found this to be a serious matter. I shook my head. "Do you know Dagdan's last name or address." A shake of the head. He exhaled hard. "Did he hurt you?" I looked up. Nodded. A fire entered his eyes, causing a spark of hope to appear in me. Maybe this will work, maybe he'll be able to catch Dagdan and maybe even Tamlin. "Where?" I'd worn a turtle neck, specifically to hide the bruises on my neck and arms. I took that off now, putting my arms out and pushing my head back a bit. He was trembling with rage now. Though I didn't want to add to his fury, I added with a small voice, "There are bruises on my legs." A pause. One where I contemplated telling him about the pain in my groin, which had only increased since last right. "And it hurts there too," I whispered as softly as possible. From the corner of my eye, I saw Mor's eyes widen, then her mouth tightened with barely restrained fury. "Did you try to fight him off?" I opened my mouth, but he interrupted. "Physically." I slowly shook my head, fearing his reaction. I was right to be scared. Some of the fire extinguished in his eyes. "What were you wearing?"

"A dress." My voice got meeker.

"Describe the dress to me."

"Blue. Lace. Short… shoulderless." He sighed. I could see where this was going. Oh, how I _wished_ I didn't. I saw him open his mouth, and close it again. He did this a couple more times before Mor finally lost it. "Speak!" She snapped at him, thumping her hands on the table as she shot to her feet. Officer Smith flinched before saying to me, "You have to understand. Women come in all the time saying that they've been raped. But what's really happened is that they've put themselves in this position. They purposely wore a revealing outfit and went out, just so that they get raped. Some women like that—having sex forced upon them. I'm sorry but we can't go to court with this. Not if you didn't physically try to hurt him. Not if all the evidence points towards you putting yourself in that situation. Your injuries aren't serious enough to even cause the judge to consider punishing Dagdan. Your bruises could've just appeared after a hard night of sex with your boyfriend. Often women ask their partners to go hard with them, just so that they're reminded of their partner every time they hurt. Some couples find it erotic, or purposely do it just to show a claim on each other in public. I'm really sorry, I really am, but I can't do anything. Not in your situation. Though I wish I could." I flinched. I wanted to scream at him that being sorry didn't solve my problems. It didn't make women safe out there. I didn't know what to do. Dagdan was going to stay out there in the open, possibly even rape another woman. _Tamlin_ was going to get away with this.

After about thirty minutes of Mor trying, and failing, to convince Officer Smith to at least go and check the bar out or do a house search of Dagdan or Tamlin's, Officer Smith gave us some pamphlets and phone numbers that I could contact if I wanted help, mentally.

Thanking Officer Smith, Mor and I left, soon after that.

Noticing the turns Mor was taking, I asked her, "Where are you going? We have school."

"There is no way, I'm letting you go to school, when Tamlin, the Tool, is still there. I'll talk to the teacher, make up some kind of excuse so that he lets you take the exams at home or after school." She said, breathing deep and fast with anger. "You are not taking another step inside that school, you hear me." Her voice was stern. I smiled faintly, thanking all the gods out there for giving me such a good friend. "Fine," I told her.

AN: Please review, I'd really appreciate it.


	5. Chapter 5: Farewell

AN: Hi. I am sooooooooo sorry, that it's been so long since I posted my last chapter. There is honestly no excuse for that, but still, you can't blame me. School, homework and swimming training takes up _so_ much of my time and I just couldn't find any time to keep writing. But it's all calmed down now for a little while and I've decided to write as much as I can before my assessments start up again, and I once again have no time.

I had planned to write the whole story before posting another chapter to avoid this type of thing happening again but just COULD NOT wait. I really wanted to hear your opinions on what'd I'd written so I only got about 3-4 chapters ahead of this one before I gave up and just posted chapter 5.

I can't guarantee that despite the chapters I have already written, this won't happen again, and I seriously hope you can forgive me for that.

But with all that being said, I will try my ABSOLUTE best to get the next chapters up as soon as possible.

Disclaimer: As always, I do not own the characters or any of this, except for the plot. My story wouldn't even be on the internet if the legendary Sarah J Mass, hadn't written the ACOTAR books first. She truly is so effing amazing, and I feel so happy thinking about that time when I noticed ACOTAR on my local library's shelf and decided to give the book a try.

But anyways. Enough of that. On to the story.

"Cheers!" I clinked my glass against Mor's, Dad's, Nesta's and Elain's. Dad had taken a week off from his travelling, and Nesta and Elain had come down from Dunedin to celebrate mine and Mor's graduation and have "one last dinner before you two grow up".

We would be leaving for Stanford tomorrow morning. The semester would be starting on Monday, and we'd be landing on Saturday so that gave us two days to get settled in. I know it wasn't a lot of time but our apartment had already been furnished and all, so we'd only need to unpack and buy some groceries for the week. The rest could be done on the weekends after the semester started.

Though it was going to be a late night, I was glad that we were here. Sitting together as a family—because Mor was practically family, even though we didn't share blood—one last time before we went off to college.

College.

I couldn't be more excited. But I was nervous, too. Of course, I was. Moving to a whole new country, with only your friend and her family—they lived near Stanford which was one of the main reasons Dad was letting me go, despite the fact that Mor hated them and they hated her because of some ancient family feud. Although she did have a cousin there, who she was on good terms with. I think his name was Reed or something, maybe Rice—as familiar faces? Anyone would be nervous. But I was ready. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew there would be bad days and good days. I knew there would be days where I wished that I'd just stayed in New Zealand. But that was why I was going. For the challenge, for the _thrill_ of it. Of living on my own terms. It irked me a little that I would need a bit of help from the people around me and Mor will be living with me, but it wasn't that bad. Mor knew my dreams of living alone in my own house or apartment, and she was okay with it. Supportive, even. But that was my goal. And then after that maybe I could consider… no, I wouldn't even consider dating. After what I'd been through, I was in no rush at all. _Succeeding_ was my new goal.

I hadn't told Dad about the incident. I might've told Mum but she had died when I was eight, because of some sickness. I often missed her, but Dad, Nesta and Elain had always made me feel better with stories about her, whenever I felt that way.

I didn't tell Elain because she was just so nice and caring: it felt wrong to bring something as bad as rape into her life. She was too pure for that. About Nesta, though. I didn't tell _her_ for the absolute opposite reason. She would've blown apart the world to find Dagdan and Tamlin if I told her about it.

Mor didn't agree with my decision. She believed that I should at least tell Nesta about it. She was worried about my mental health and believed telling a real family member would help. But I was okay. I'd accepted what had happened and why. I knew it was my fault and had learnt to live with it. I was fine. I was okay.

I was not okay.

—

"Bye Daddy. Bye Nesta, Elain." I hugged each of them separately. Mor had gone to the bathroom giving us the perfect opportunity to have a private farewell. "I'll miss you guys."

"Make sure you call every day." I smiled at Nesta before saying I'll call her every _hour_. She laughed and that just made my day. Mor came back, then, so I gave each of them another giant, tight hug before going through the doors with Mor, waving behind me, and out of their sight.

We were on our own now.

—

After sixteen hours of sitting in the most uncomfortable position ever, the plane finally landed. We went through security and all that crap. Mor hadn't bothered asking her parents to pick us up, and her cousin was busy, leaving us to take the taxi.

The apartment—which Dad would be paying the rent for until Mor and I got our own jobs and were able to afford it for ourselves—that Dad had bought for us was only five minutes away from the campus so we would easily be able to just walk over, though Dad had given me enough money to get a decent car, so that we could drive to the grocery store and places like that.

When I opened the door to our medium-sized new home, I was quite surprised to find a decent amount of furniture already laid out, though I shouldn't have been. Dad would totally do something like this.

The kitchen, mostly white with brown dotted here and there, was to the right, with a small lounge area in front of it. A telly had been placed at the back tucked into a corner so that Mor or I could watch whatever was on while working on the bench in the kitchen. A couple of brown and black sofas had been placed, making a half square, around a centrepiece table. It was also brown, the wood light mahogany, with glass in the middle of it, placed over a white furry rug. Mor instantly threw down her bags and ran towards it, running her fingers through the soft material. She said, pushing her lower lip out, "It's so soft, Feyre. It's like heaven in the clouds and I could fall asleep in one of them," then promptly but carefully pushed the table away and started making angels in the carpet. I shook my head at her, smiling a little, before heading towards the small corridor on the left of the front room. There were two doors in total, leading into the bedrooms—one for each of us—on either side of the hall plus another small cupboard, with built-in shelves. Entering the first room, I plopped my heavy bags onto the brown-carpeted floor and plain bed, which had just a mattress on it, before turning a full circle as I examined the room. It wasn't big by any means, but I quite liked it. The walls were bare with white paint. Plenty of room for me to paint the walls whatever I wanted. The cupboard also wasn't very spacious, though the small sliding door also served as a mirror so that was a bonus. Already imagining the different things I could paint on the walls, I went out and into what would become Mor's bedroom. It was only slightly bigger, the bed set in a different position, but I knew once we were settled in, our bedrooms would become very, very different.

—

The next day, I was cooking lunch when Mor suggested we go shopping. I turned to look at her. She was sitting cross-legged on the black bench, beside me, munching on an apple. "And why, may I ask, do you want to go shopping?" I asked raising my eyebrows, as I sprinkled in pinches of herbs and spices I knew Mor liked. As I skimmed through the recipe I was following—and modifying at the same time—Mor answered. "Well school starts tomorrow so I want to do something fun, and you know how much I absolutely adore shopping. And anyway, neither of us bought lots of luggage and we don't have enough clothes to survive the rest of winter." She was right of course. We hadn't brought a lot with us, definitely not enough to last us the winter. Sighing, I nodded. She squealed before giving me a tight but quick hug from behind and running off to get dressed. I smiled at her back. Sometimes it felt like Mor was my child, with me always taking care of her. I didn't mind though. I was just glad the incident with Tamlin and Dagdan hadn't affected her as badly as it had me. It would've been very saddening to me to see that light vanish from her eyes.

—

Mor took the clothes out of their bags, and put the t-shirt against my shoulders, "Oh, Feyre, this is going to look wonderful on you," She squealed. I look down at the t-shirt. It had a floral design, most of the flowers a pastel pink or blue, with frilly sleeves that came down to my elbows and clung to my waist accentuating my non-existent curves and breasts. It wasn't anything special but Mor had been so insistent that I get this, because apparently "the male population in school will be left stunned when they see you in this." I'd just rolled my eyes when she said that and moved to put the shirt back in its spot, but Mor wasn't having it. She'd been holding an iced drink in her hand—it was nearly finished but there was enough colour in it that if she dropped on the shirt, it would be stained. And that is exactly what she threatened to do if I didn't buy the shirt. Which is why I now owned that shirt. I sighed at the sweet memory as Mor carried on going through the different shopping bags we'd collected over the day. It was then that I noticed a couple across the street, from where we were waiting for the bus. They were kissing, sweetly. I don't why, but looking at them triggered lots of other memories. Memories of Tamlin and I.

It had been perfect in the begging. It had been everything I'd ever wanted for myself. He was caring and nice and handsome and protective. But that was the problem. He was too good. So good that I failed to notice all the bad things about him. And then when I finally noticed, it was too late. I sometimes hated myself for that. I'd grown up hearing warnings from my parents and older sisters about the strange men in our world who had no moral sense. They told me that they were people like Tamlin and Dagdan out there and had told me to keep myself safe. And every time I'd just brushed them off, absolutely sure that I would know what to do if and when I met someone like that. But of course, I hadn't actually really thought about it. I hadn't really expected to actually meet someone like that. I wish I had. I wish I'd listened to my parents and sisters. I wish I hadn't been so blinded by love that I couldn't even see my own doom approaching me with each moment I spent in Tamlin's company.

'Feyre!" I blinked, and then blinked again to clear the blurriness in my eyes, to find Mor standing over me, her hands tightly gripping my shoulders. "What's wrong? Are you thinking about _him_?" She asked, spitting out the last word. I just shook my head, bring my hand up to wipe the tears that had fallen down, while I thought about all the mistakes I'd made in the last year. Thankfully the bus arrived then, and I gently pushed Mor away, letting her know that I didn't want to talk about it.

AN: Please review. I'll try to get the next chapter out soon. Thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6: First Glimpse

_AN: Hello, again! I wrote another chapter before uploading this one. I considered waiting a little longer but I just couldn't wait and didn't want to make you wait either. So here it is. I really hope you enjoy it._

 _Disclaimer: I don't anything except for the plot. All credit goes to Sarah J Mass. That woman is fucking amazing._

 _Art History. Remind me again, why I chose this class. Oh, that's right. Because I thought it'd be interesting. How wrong I was._ I shake my head at my own thoughts before crossing the threshold that would lead me into my next passage of life: college.

 _But why does_ Art History _have to be the first class I ever took in college. Couldn't it be something like yoga, which I also happen to enjoy?_

After almost an hour and a half of the balding male professor droning on and on, the rustling of students and scraping of chairs being pushed back awakened me from my half-unconscious state and I stood up to pack my bag. The next class, Visual Art was the total opposite. I found what the teacher was saying so interesting and barely two sentences into the class, and I was hooked. As I doodled—Miss Berger, a middle-aged woman who had a very good sense of style, light brown hair and huge glasses covering most of her face, had given us free time after explaining what we'd be learning over the semester and what our syllabus was—I thought about it all: I hadn't really known what I'd wanted to do during the first couple of months in Year 13, and I'd started getting a bit worried. And then the rape happened. Exactly two weeks after the incident, it had randomly hit me. I'd just been painting random things on a spare canvas I'd been able to salvage from my mess of a closet when I realised what I wanted to do. I wanted to teach. I wanted to teach people how to paint. Specifically, people who were mentally disturbed due to some incident in their life. I hadn't painted at all during the last couple weeks and today was one of the first times I'd even tried putting something onto a canvas. I didn't want that to happen to other people. I wanted to help them channel their grief into their painting, to create something new. I wanted to see if I could teach them to heal _through_ their art, rather than stopping it altogether, as I had even it was only for a short time. I wanted to make my own business that did exactly that. And that is exactly why I took all the classes I had.

After Visual Art was over, I decided to go for a short walk. I had an hour before my next class, which was with Mor. Business—my only class with her. I was glad I had the class with her, but there was also the fact that Rhys and his friends were in that class too. The thought instantly brought butterflies to my stomach. Mor had messaged me halfway through Art telling me to come ten minutes early so that she could introduce me to him and his friends. Reading the message had immediately brought a picture to the front of my mind. A picture of Mor's cousin and his friends, who incidentally were also friends with Mor. The thought of seeing them made my skin crawl. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them. I was just a bit nervous. I'd only recently started getting used to the presence of men—though, I still shuddered and got all sweaty if I noticed someone with particularly golden or dark features—but I knew that the second I saw them, I would go back to square one where I was still a quivering mess. They were just _so handsome_. All three of them. As if God himself had handpicked each of their features and carefully put them together to create the closest thing he could to someone as overpowering as he was himself, in every sense. Plus, all of them had features that reminded me of that night. Rhys's dark blue hair reminded me of the shadows that had been in that dark alley; Cassian's golden skin reminded me of how beautiful and smooth Tamlin's had been under his clothes; and Azriel's hair, though not holding the same darkness in them, was still black. Too much like Dagdan's. Just thinking about them gave me a cold sweat so I quickly kicked all the horrid thoughts out of my head and started imagining the type of car I might want to get, and before long, I was swapping my art diary for a couple of textbooks and heading off to Business.

—

After having nearly asked ten people where my class was, I finally found it. And there they were. The class was half full, some people looking down at their phones or books while others chatted among themselves. But no one was as loud as Mor. She was practically shouting. But then my attention went towards the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. Rhys. Sensing my gaze, he turned to look at me, and I blinked in astonishment, a silent gasp escaping my mouth. I took a couple of steps back, wanting to run away but then Mor turned her head, following Rhys's gaze, and exclaimed, "Feyre, you're here!" She jumped out of her seat, grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me back into class. I was pretty sure at least one of my ankles were sprained judging by the number of times I tripped over my own feet as Mor dragged me in, by the time we reached Rhys and his friends. Moving to stand behind me she pushed me forward before standing on her tippy toes and peeking over my shoulder. "Guys, this is Feyre. Say hi." Mor drawled. Strangely Rhys just stared at me but, thankfully, Azriel replied before he could say anything. "Hello, Feyre. I'm Azriel." He stuck his hand out, and I stared at for the shortest second.

In that second, a hundred things went through my mind: the rape, the emotions I went through afterwards, me flinching at my father's touch, me _promising_ myself that I would stop that. Azriel's handsomeness. Because he _was_ handsome. _All three_ of them were. But each of them was also so different in their own way. Azriel's face was straight and void of any emotion—though a small smile lit up his face, every time he looked at Mor—and he was tall and mysterious with his black hair and hazel eyes. His skin was tan, the planes of his face elegant. Peaking above the neck of his long-sleeved t-shirt I could see a swirling mass of night-blue coloured tattoos. If I was being honest with myself they were a big intimating but despite that, strangely enough, he made me feel… safe. As if he would protect me no matter what. It gave me some solace because I had always trusted my gut. And right now my gut was telling me that he was good. So I shook his hand.

And then it happened. I flinched.

Thankfully it wasn't big enough for Azriel to notice, but it still made me angry. Why didn't my body understand that I was safe now, or at least as safe as I could be? Tamlin was back in Auckland. Far, far away from here, from me.

Taking a couple of subtle deep breaths, to calm myself down, I took my hand out of Azriel's and moved my eyes to look at Cassian. Whereas Azriel made me feel safe, Cassian made me feel…happy. It took a couple of seconds for me to realise that but when I did, I knew that that was in fact what I was feeling. Happiness. It was something so foreign to me now. But it was impossible to not feel happy when I looked into Cassian's hazel eyes and saw humour and laughter and happiness. His rough-hewn features that reminded me of wind, earth and fire had been twisted into a giant smile. His black shoulder length hair brushed his shoulders on which I could also see tattoos similar to the ones on Azriel's body. A quick glance at Rhys told me he also had the blue swirls. Maybe they'd gotten them together at the same time?

Cassian gave me a wave in greeting, his smile widening. "Cassian." He said, in introduction. I waved back, forcing my mind to stop thinking about the flinch. But it was impossible. I turned to find Rhys's hand outstretched. Ignoring it, I looked up at his face. His eyebrows raised slightly as I took in his heartbreakingly handsome face, my eyes widening a little. The pictures I'd seen did him no justice at all. None. His hair was a strange shade of blue and black, cut short. They reminded me of a raven's feather. His violet eyes had flecks of silver in them making it seem like stars in the night sky. He was also tan like the other two, though unlike Cassian and Azriel, there was a tightening in his muscles. I could see it in the ways his shirt tightened around the shoulders. Other than that, lines also made his otherwise-perfect face, a little flawed, though if I was being honest to myself, even the lines made him handsome.

I don't know why I noticed such an odd and minuscule thing, but it bothered me. Someone like Rhys shouldn't have lines caused by months, if not years, of stress and grief marking his face. Someone cleared their throat, and I blinked, then quickly shook my hand with Rhys which was still expectantly waiting. But I hadn't thought about it. And because I hadn't thought about it, I flinched. Harder. Not much more than before, but enough that he noticed. A line formed between Rhys's brows and his head tilted a little to the side in silent question. I shook my head just enough so that he noticed, but the others didn't. I slipped my hand out of Rhys's and Mor started babbling about things that passed right over my head, though I did hear a few words like "art", "passion" and "own business". I guessed that Mor was telling them about me as a person. But even as Mor was talking, I could feel a set of eyes on me. I turned to look at Rhys, who was staring at me. In those stunning eyes of his, I could see it as he'd written it across his forehead. His eyes told me that he was surprised by the flinch and would not let it go. I cursed at myself silently, for letting the flinch get through my defences. Soon the professor came in, and we all took our seats.

But still, I felt those eyes burning two giant holes into the back of my head. I tried convincing myself that I was just imagining it, that he had no reason to stare at for me for so long, but when I turned around to look, I found them. Every single time. And each time, I whipped my head back around, blushing. It made me think: _Rhys had no reason to be staring at me; what was he thinking about?_

But running along with those thoughts, were also the thoughts about how he made me feel. Physically. Because, though I don't want to admit it, he made me feel… hot. Right down there, in my core. I'd never thought I could feel something like that. Not after what Dagdan did to me. Yet here I was, flinching at the surprise of feeling aroused.

But then, of course, I was.

 _—_

The professor released us, and as we were packing our bags, Cassian suggested we hang out on Saturday. Mor piped up with, "Ooh, ooh, can we go to that mini golf place that stays open really late? We can have dinner somewhere, first, and then go there! Please, please, please?" She says turning to Rhys, and she brings her hands together as if praying and jumps up and down in excitement. He smiled, nodding causing Mor to squeal and give her cousin a tight hug.

—

"But I don't _want_ to go!" I whined. Mor shushed me and strutted a couple of steps ahead of me before turning around to look at me. As she walked backwards, she said, "But why _don't_ you want to go? Give me one good reason. Just one." And damn me, I said nothing, just breathed deeply in and out of my nose. I shook my head, defeated and she smiled at me before linking her arm in mine and skipping sway, dragging me along with her.

The truth was, I did have a reason. I just couldn't tell her. It was Rhys. I just knew he was going to do something that would either annoy the heck out me, offend me, or in worst case scenario blow my cover. Nobody knew about my flinching problem other than Dad and Rhys, and neither of them knew _why_. And I wanted to keep it that way. But something told me Rhys wouldn't let that happen.

Ugh.

 _AN: I really, really hoped you like that. Did I describe the boys properly? Do you like them? Are you happy? Do you have any feedback or advice for me? Tell me everything. I love it so much when you write to me telling me what you think of my story. It really makes my day and also motivates me to keep writing. Thank you so much for reading and I hope to see you again._

 _Thank you again. So much. XOXO_


	7. Chapter 7: Those Two

_AN: A short one today, but I hope a good. I love this chapter and can't wait for your reactions._

 _Disclaimer: I shouldn't need to say this anymore, but I don't any of this except for the plot. All credit goes to the spectacular Sarah J Mass, a legend._

 _Rhys's POV_

I groaned as I lifted my arms and slowly let them come down, only to push them back up. I could see Cassian and Azriel in my peripheral vision talking, though Cassian's attention was divided because he was also making sure I didn't end up killing myself with the barbell which was weighing 70kg at the moment. Azriel was slightly breathless because he had just done what I was doing now. Cassian, though he was next, didn't seem nervous in the least.

I had two more reps left when I heard Cassian speak my name. In a grumbling voice, I got out the words:"What are you saying about me?" And then finally I was done. With one last and loud groan I lifted my arms and moved the barbells so that they were resting in their places. After a couple deep breaths I pulled myself up, only to find both of them staring at me. I took a swig from my water bottle and as I was wiping the sweat from my forehead, I snapped "what" at them. Azriel just slowly shook his head, and carefully said, 'You've been very quiet lately." I stared at him before turning my head to look at Cassian, my face expression turning sour. "We both think something's on your mind, and we want to know what it is." He said, lifting his chin a little. I sighed, turning my head away from both of them before saying, "she's beautiful, don't you think?"

"Who? Rachel?" Cassian smirked, naming a random girl in one of our classes, who, frankly, was not very pretty at all in her short skirts and shorts and strapless shirts, which lingered dangerously close to the line of the dress code but remained on the right side which meant the school couldn't tell her off for it. Every other day she would come up to me and talk seductively, in an attempt to invite me to her bed.

"Don't be stupid." I snapped, getting up so that Cassian could take my spot. "I'm meant Feyre. Mor's friend."

"Ahh. So that's, _she's_ , what's on your mind. She's pretty I guess." Azriel said as Cassian changed the settings of the squat rack so that they were personalised to him.

"I think she's very pretty," And before they could say anything I walked away from them.

—

As I ran on the treadmill, I thought about Cassian and Azriel's words. Was it really that obvious? Has she affected me that much in just one meeting.

Even on Monday, in Business, I hadn't been able to take my eyes of her, even though the whole room was filled with women just as pretty as her. But no. No one was as pretty as her, even Rachel in her makeup and slutty clothes.

Feyre didn't need any of that to make her beautiful. She had a glow to her face that no one I'd ever met had. Even _her._

And whether she knew it or not, I'd see her pupils widen the slightest bit. Now, it wasn't unusual for that to happen. Majority of the women I met, their pupils dilated with arousal until they got to know me—my arrogance and mysterious nature. I didn't care. I knew I was eye candy too many women, and I was happy to be. But anything bigger than that, I wouldn't do it. Not after her. I won't go through that again.

Pushing a couple buttons I pushed himself even harder on the treadmill so that I could drive the thoughts of her out.

And underneath all those layers of resistance and thoughts, was the desire for Saturday to be here.

 _Feyre's POV_

"Class dismissed!" I got up and and packed my bag, thinking about Saturday. It was Thursday today, meaning only two days left until Mor and I went mini golfing with Rhys and his friends. I shivered at the thought. Shaking my head I took a deep breath and decided to go to the library to do my art homework. It was pretty easy so it shouldn't take me too long.

Oh boy, was I wrong.

At the library, as I took my diary and pencils out, I thought about Miss Berger's instructions. They were pretty basic: Close your eyes. Take seven to ten deep breaths, and as you do that, push out all sounds and thoughts out of your mind and just _relax_. And then draw.

So that's what I did.

And then, without opening my eyes, I drew the first that came to my mind.

And then I was done. I opened my eyes. And gasped.

"Fuck."

 _AN: I'm sorry, I had to. I just had too. But anyways. Do you like it? What about Rhys's POV. Was that a surprise? Do you like his thoughts? And what do you think Feyre drew? Tell me everything._

 _And as always, thank you so much for reading. You make my day XOXO_


	8. Chapter 8: Oh Feyre

**Disclaimer: I don't anything except for the plot. All credit goes towards Sarah J Mass.**

 **Chapter 8: Oh Feyre.**

"Fuck. Fuck. Shit!" I immediately looked up and around when I practically shouted that, but thankfully no one was around and I couldn't hear any footsteps either. I sighed in relief before reluctantly looking back down at my drawing.

I'd drawn Rhys. I'd drawn him. Rhys!

"Oh for god's sake!" My hand dashed up to the top of the page and I began to tear the page out. But then I stopped.

For the first time since I'd opened my eyes, I actually saw what I'd drawn. It was the profile of Rhys's face. His arrogant smirk was there too, presumably because that was the most worn expression on his face and it was how my mind remembered him. But it was his eyes that caught my attention. Or, more specifically, the _lines_ under his eyes which were paired with sadness in the eyes themselves. Lines and sadness caused by days and days of stress—and maybe crying, too—sat right under his eyes. Though his smile was wide, lifting his sharp cheekbones and making him look very handsome, the anguish was there. I suspected no one would have even noticed unless they looked closely enough.

I instantly wondered then why I had noticed the lines. It's not like I was looking closely, right? _Right_?

Right, yeah, totally.

Damn me.

—

Saturday.

It was finally here. I woke up this morning feeling unusually energetic and happy. In fact, I was feeling so buoyant I decided to make blueberry pancakes. Once Mor had woken up, I sat her down at the small round table we were using as a dining table and made more pancakes as she ate them. At least four huuuuge pancakes later, I finally heard a groan from behind me, and I turned around to find Mor shaking her head at me, her hands held over her stomach. I chuckled at her and nodded in understanding. Mor gave me hug from behind and went into her bedroom, while I made myself some more pancakes before turning the stove off and settling down into my own seat to have my own breakfast. I'd just had a couple of bites before Mor came out dressed in her gym clothes. As she put her trainers on, she said, "Thank you so much for those pancakes but this body isn't this good on its own." I laughed and waved her on as she gave me a flying kiss and exited out of the front door to go on her daily run. I assumed she would be out longer today so that she could burn off the extra fat. Once I'd washed all the dishes I decided to go into my room and just do some drawing and maybe some colouring too before I started cleaning the whole house.

It only took me about ten minutes to lose myself in my drawing, and then another thirty to realise what exactly I had done. In the forty or so minutes I'd been drawing, I'd done three sketches, and was now in the middle of colouring the second. Looking at the page beneath my fingers, I found Rhys's eyes staring back at me. It was a bit disorienting because one of his eyes was only half done and none of them had the silver flecks but still. Anyone who knew Rhys would know these are his eyes.

 _But would they see the sadness in them_ , I wondered. Because I could still see it. But beneath the sadness was also beauty. True, natural beauty caused by years of laughing and smiling and happiness. What could've happened to him, that caused that beauty to be overridden by such subtle grief? Were his arrogance and attitude also another result of what had happened to him? _If_ anything happened to him. Maybe he was just like that. Sad, snobby, annoying.

But the beauty. It was so stunningly breath-taking and unique. I'd never seen anything like it and all that did for me was make Rhys's eyes even more special. I knew what I'd drawn was nothing compared to his real eyes. I still remembered them as if they were branded to the inside of my eyelids and every time I blinked or closed my eyes, they would flash before my eyes.

His eyes were singular. They couldn't be recreated. It was physically impossible.

Hearing a shout outside my window, I jumped before looking outside to find two teenagers throwing water balloons at each other, screaming with excitement. Shaking my head as I turned away from the window, I realised where my thoughts had been going, and immediately ripped the page out of my book, balled the paper up and chucked it into the dustbin in the back corner of my room. I stared at the bin for three very long seconds before jumping out my bed and fetching the paper-ball out of the bin. I unravelled the paper and tried flattening it out on the wall, before giving up and just sliding it into the thickest of my school workbooks. I snatched up my wireless headphones from my desk and turned up the music so loud that I couldn't hear my own thoughts, which were all about sharp cheekbones, arrogant smirks and bright purple eyes, and started cleaning the house.

—

I'd just turned the vacuum off when I heard the front door open and close. Mor came in with a shopping bag in her hands, and when she caught me looking at them curiously, she smirked and wriggled her eyebrows around in a cheeky way before heading off into the kitchen. Her voice trailed behind her, "Go have a bath Feyre, you _stink_. I'm gonna make you the best chicken wrap you'll ever have." And just as those last few words escaped her mouth, I heard a thud which was promptly followed by Mor's cursing. Shaking my head, a light chuckle escaping my lips, I put the vacuum away before heading into the bathroom and using the hot water to calm my nerves, which had instantly come back when I'd turned the music off. I guessed it was only going to work as a temporary distraction. _Well, that sucks._

—

Groaning, I quickly swallowed my bite and turned to Mor. "These are amazing, Mor. How did you make these?" It was around two in the evening right now, and we had settled in to watch a movie, while we ate the "best chicken wrap that will ever reach your lips." I'd given her a strange look when she said those words, but she'd just given me the finger and set off to put it all together. And needless to say, I was surprised. _Very_ surprised. She gave me a wide smile and said, "You like it?"

" _Yeah,_ I like it." I scoffed. "How the heck did you make these?" But, being the annoying ass she is, she just smiled even wider and shook her head, turning back to watch the TV screen. I huffed in annoyingness but accepted the fact that I'll never be able to make these wraps on my own. Soon I was engrossed into the movie and lost track of time.

—

We were running late. Rhys would come to pick us up at seven so that gave us about forty-five minutes to get ready. We quickly took turns in the shower, did our makeup and everything, and chose our dresses, with Mor helping me a little in those last couple departments.

Sighing, I looked at myself in the mirror. Mor was scrambling around the room trying to find her shoes, but it was easy to ignore her. Bringing my eyes back to my reflection, I ran my eyes over my outfit. Grey, plain except for simple thin lines running up and down and side to side, wide pants paired with a light blue sweater. The knitting was beautiful, the simple swirls and patterns a part of the knitting. I was warm and covered. The outfit did nothing for my figure; I liked it that way. I didn't want anyone to notice me.

 _But you want Rhys to notice you._ I cursed at that small voice in the back of my head, shoving it even further away. I _hated_ that part of my brain. I didn't want anyone to notice me. I didn't want to date. I didn't want to kiss anyone. I didn't want to be in any relationship with anyone except for Mor and my family, and that was only because I knew they would never betray or hurt me. But Rhys, Cassian and Azriel. Though all them seemed really nice—Rhys, less than the other two—I couldn't bring myself to trust any of them completely, no matter how safe or happy or even how _hot_ they made me feel. I didn't want that. Not now, not ever. Not after him.

My thoughts made the anger came back. Ever time I thought of him or what happened that night, my blood boiled with anger. How dare Tamlin give Dagdan, or anyone for that matter, the permission to take me away? As if I were an object, something to play with. I was _not_ something to be played with. I would not ever be played with again. I decided that, at that moment, as I stared at myself in the mirror.

The doorbell fell rang, and I opened the door. Rhys, who had knocked on the door, nodded at me in greeting. I nodded back, swallowing back my thoughts about all the sketches and drawings I'd done of him. As I locked the door behind Mor and me, she got into the car. I noticed Cassian, Azriel and another woman, who Azriel later introduced as Amren, were already sitting in the car. Cassian was right at the back, with Azriel and Amren in the middle row and now Mor had just joined them…which left the front seat empty. The passenger seat next to Rhys.

I got butterflies in my stomach as I forced myself to keep my face straight as Rhys opened the door for me. I noticed his hands come up but thankfully they went back down without touching me. He probably didn't want a repeat of our first handshake. Once I was settled in, Rhys headed over to the other side and soon we were off. I didn't know how long the drive was, but I could hear Cassian, Azriel and Mor conversing not so quietly between themselves. I didn't particularly feel like talking to Rhys, so I turned around to look at Amren, who was gazing out her window. "So, Amren. Tell me a little about yourself." I said, a small smile lifting my lips. Her head turned to look at me and I sucked in a small breath, surprised—and honestly, intimidated, too—by her molten silver eyes. In the light coming from outside, I could see that Amren was thin with shoulder-length black hair that gleamed in the light. She was pretty, but unlike Mor and her friends, her face bordered on plain. While I found Mor's friends intimidating because of their beauty, Amren intimated me with her… aura. Though I didn't really want to think that about Amren, she kinda terrified me.

But then she smiled, and instantly I felt a whole lot more comfortable in her presence. "I'm majoring in law. I'm finding it really fun, so far. I really hope I can get somewhere with that. But I'm sure you don't care about that. Have you ever tried cheerleading? It's sooooo much fun. You should really try it…" And just like that, I spent the next fifteen or so minutes of the drive talking with Amren and getting to know her really well. Just as Amren was about to tell me a funny story about her boyfriend, Varian, Mor shouted, "Karaoke! We need to do karaoke!" Immediately Cassian and Azriel piped up with their own excited yes's, which apparently was enough for Mor because she quickly came up to the front, jabbed her finger at the screen on the dashboard, before hopping back into her seat. Seconds later, Ariana Grande's strong voice poured through speakers.

It was just Mor and Cassian's voices filling the small space until the chorus came and, surprising me, Rhys joined in too, his soft voice and humming, reaching my ears.

 _Ain't got no tears left to cry_

 _So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up (oh yeah)_

 _I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up_

By the end of a few more songs, Azriel and Amren joined in too, leaving me as the only person not singing.

And of course, Rhys noticed.

They sang a couple more songs before Rhys gave me a cheeky smile, which he tried to suppress by biting his lower lip. Unfortunately for me, that just made my stomach churn even more and I had to turn my face away. Seconds later the music went quiet and got replaced with Rhys's alluring voice, "Mor, have you been hearing Feyre's voice?" He raised his eyebrows at her reflection through the rear-view mirror. She frowned and turned to look at me, her eyes narrowing. I noticed Cassian smirking and though I was sorely tempted to stick my tongue out at him, I just narrowed my eyes at him, before turning back to Mor. 'What?" I snapped.

"You haven't been singing."

"No. I haven't."

"Rhys, would you be so kind as to tell our lovely Feyre what happens when someone doesn't participate in my games." Her shrewd eyes didn't move away as she said that. I turned to look at Rhys, and he glanced over to me before looking back at the road and smirked. "Well, Mor, it depends on the game, but in this particular situation, I think we all agreed that the person would have to sing at least two or three songs on their own."

"Oh, that's right." Mor mock-gasps in reply, before saying to me, "I guess that means you're on your own now, Feyre." She shrugged innocently as if she had no idea what effect she was having on me. My narrowed eyes transferred into a small frown. "I don't want to sing," I said, quietly. I really didn't. I didn't feel like attracting any attention. But then I felt someone's hand come and rest on mine. I just barely resisted the urge to slap his hand away as I looked up into Rhys's violet eyes, and was once again blown away by just how mesmerising they were. I could truly get lost in the beautiful depthless. "Do you want me to sing with you?" He asked with a voice as quiet as mine had been. I gave him a small nod, and he turned his gaze to Mor. "Play the Jonas Brothers, Sucker." She smiled in triumph before quickly pressing a few buttons on her phone. And just like that, Nick Jonas's voice started pouring through the speakers. Rhys sang the first two lines on his own before raising his eyebrows, his head bobbing along with the music. I sighed quietly before opening my mouth up.

—

Twenty minutes later, I was laughing and probably singing the loudest out of everyone in the car. After that first song, I'd gotten a bit more confident and since then my voice had only raised in volume, and when I didn't know the words, I hummed along with the tune. It was the first time I'd truly let go since that terrible night back in Auckland. I was happy: I was letting myself enjoy this time with Mor and her friends. I was glad I was still capable of laughing and having fun because I'd seriously started wondering whether or not I would ever be able to fully let myself go and just enjoy the pleasures of life. I was glad I'd let Mor convince to come along. I was glad I was laughing.

But behind those thoughts was the thought of why I was having so much fun in the first place. Rhys. He'd made me feel less nervous. The butterflies in my stomach had been replaced with a different type of butterflies when he touched me. Heat had spread across my whole body, especially through my core. I'd had to squeeze my legs a little to alleviate the pressure that had built up between my legs. I'd long accepted the fact that Rhys could do that to me. I just put it off to his looks though, every time it happened. There was no other reason for it.

 _AN: Did you like it? I know I say this every time, but I hope you liked it. Feel free to leave a review or any feedback/forward you have for me. Everything is appreciated. Thank you for reading, hope to see you soon, next time. XOXO_


	9. Chapter 9: Awkwardness and lips

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot. All credit goes to Sarah J Mass_

 **Chapter 9: Awkwardness and lips**

After about thirty minutes of driving, we finally reached the place we were having dinner. It was within walking distance of the mini golf place so we were planning to just walk over there after dinner.

I smiled at Azriel as he held the door open for Mor, Amren and I, and laughed when he let it close on Cassian and Rhys. I could tell they were close, just like Mor and I. Amren, however, was a different case. She filled the room with her essence, even in her tiny body. It was impossible to miss her.

A small smile on my face, I took in my surroundings. The restaurant was an Italian one with a homey feel to it. There was a row of comfortable-looking sofas right at the back and artificially-lit torches hanging off the walls, each one about a metre away from the other. The rest of the lighting was done by lit-candles on each table. It was a little dark for my liking but the open feeling the place had made up for it. It was a relatively warm night so we decided to sit outside. Our waitress, a blonde woman with huge nerdy glasses, gave us our menus and took our drinks order before the dinner-talk started up.

Ten minutes later, our food orders given, I was listening to Amren and Mor as Amren caught Mor up on her relationship with her boyfriend Varian. Apparently, they'd had sex for the first time a couple of nights ago and it made Amren very happy because they'd been dating for only about three months but she really liked him and had been feeling ready for that step in their relationship for a while now. Amren was just in the middle of gushing about how much Varian adored her when I felt eyes on me. I turned to find Rhys staring at me. Azriel and Cassian, who were on the right of Rhys were playing a game of chopsticks, which meant that they didn't notice what Rhys was so blatantly doing. I looked at him for a couple of seconds, waiting for him to speak or do something but when he didn't move, I said, "Yes? Did you want to say something to me?"

He tilted his head to the side before asking, "Do you have a boyfriend, Feyre?"

I raised my eyebrows before shaking my head. He nodded, thinking to himself, before looking up at me again, "What's your favourite food?"

"Peanut butter, banana and bread, together." The corner of his lips lifted in a small beam.

"Any place you'd like to visit?"

"Paris. I can imagine myself at the top of the Eiffel Tower, looking down, and realising that we are all such a small part of something so much bigger than anything we could imagine." Wow, that got deep. But surprisingly Rhys only gave me a sweet smile before moving on.

"Sunrises or sunsets?"

I instantly frowned. Why would he ask me a question like that? He just raised his eyebrows. "Sunrises," I said, maybe a tad bit more sassily than I meant too.

"What's on the top of your bucket list?"

"I don't have a bucket list. I just want to graduate and settle down." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Are you sure? There's got to be something you really want to do before you die." I shook my head in reply. I _was_ boring that way. I didn't want to live a flash life. I just wanted to settle down, buy my own house maybe, and just teach art.

"What's your dream life?"

"Teaching art to little kids."

"So you like children?"

"I guess so." I shrugged, brushing the words off. Rhys opened his mouth to ask, I assume, another question but just then Mor squealed. Our food had arrived. I shook my head at her in amusement as the waiter put my dish in front of me. I thanked her before diving into my food. I was actually starting to get really hungry.

About twenty minutes later, we were finally walking over to the mini golf place. We'd chosen this place because one, it was close to the restaurant we wanted to eat at, two because it was one of the few places that stayed open till late and last because the place was so beautiful with all the waterfalls and amazing replications of cool places around the world, such as the Great Wall of China, the Grand Canyon and the Eiffel Tower.

After amusing the person at the desk for about ten minutes while we all fought over who would pay, Rhys finally ended up paying for all us. Though I wasn't really happy about that, I sucked it up because the entry was only ten dollars per person, so at least he wasn't spending too much money on me. I absolutely hated it when people spent money on me. It made me feel cheap and selfish as if I was using other people's money for my own fun. We decided to make teams, two people in each. Cassian ended up with Mor and Azriel with Amren, which left Rhys and me to go together. _Oh, what are the chances!?_ Trying very hard to hide my grimace, I went to get a golf stick and ball. As I was doing that, I sensed him and the tightness in his muscles behind me. _At least he seems as annoyed as I am,_ I thought to myself.

The first few courses were a blur, with me only coming back to my senses when it was my turn to hit the ball. By the fifth course, we were loosing. By a lot.

But then, at the seventh course he said, "It sucks, huh." I looked up at him with a frown. Did he mean being in a team with him? He clarified, "Loosing. I bet you wish you were with one of the others." He let out a breath in amusement. I frowned before saying, "I don't think that at all. It's not so bad being with you." He stared at me before moving his eyes to my lips. I noticed his pupils widening a little, causing me to blush. He noticed, looking up, before shaking his head and paying attention to the game once again. He didn't talk to me after that.

—

 _Rhys's POV_

Beautiful. She was so beautiful, breath-taking even. She was so pretty and soft and adorable. The questions I had asked her: they had just been a way to get to know her a little better, but her answers had been so unique and different. She wanted to teach little kids art. I smiled to myself, imagining her walking around a classroom and giving feedback to the children she was teaching, making them smile when she gave them a compliment. I knew she would be successful in achieving her goals. I knew she was strong and wouldn't stop until she got everything she had ever wanted for herself. It was just another one of the things that attracted me to her. Because I _was_ attracted. It was impossible not to be.

But Feyre was so different from _her_.

 _She_ had been so different with her red hair and black eyes that were always gleaming with schemes and wicked delight at small things in the world. I had found the gleam to be attractive but later I learnt that that gleam was just something she was using to lure me in. Her love at the beginning of the relationship was a trap, and then her hatred and evilness at the end was the immediate poison.

And then all of sudden, those black eyes turned into blue and grey. And instead of the gleam there was a… glow. There was no other word for it. Her emotions shone through her eyes, making her whole face sparkle with the emotion, too. And though the light was mostly from happiness, there was also sadness and despair behind it. It was always there, like a shadow trailing her. And just like the sun momentarily hiding behind a cloud, I could see the shadow of the depressing emotion hiding the shine of the sun. I'd seen the sun disappear behind the cloud a couple of times today. Once before I got her to do the carpool karaoke and once when playing golf. I'd just happened to glance at her, wanting to see her face light up at my success of getting a ball into the pit, and she'd been happy. But before the happiness appeared, there had been shadows. Feyre was good and had hid them quickly, but I was also good. Spending time with _her_ had given me a sharp eye and I'd spotted the shadow. And it wasn't the first time I'd seen it. I'd seen it multiple times before, in our previous interactions and I didn't like it one bit. I didn't understand why I felt this way, but I _very_ badly wanted to get rid of those shadows. I never wanted to see them on Feyre's face again. I just didn't know how to get rid of them. It annoyed me, made me tense. Maybe if I knew what was causing the shadows to appear, I could get rid of them. But how should I ask her? It's not like I could just walk up to her and say, "Hi, I've noticed the shadows in your eyes and face and very desperately want to get rid of them. Could you please tell me what's causing them to appear so that I can do something about it?" Yeah. That would get me places.

Shaking my head at my thoughts, I tried pushing her out of my head and closed my eyes. But even in my sleep, she appeared with her golden-brown hair and grey-blue eyes, her sun and shadows at war.

 _Feyre's POV_

I stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to my ceiling as I thought.

Rhys.

I felt so comfortable in his presence, something that surprised me a lot since I'd gotten used to the idea of never being comfortable with a male's touch. But it was different with Rhys. He was so handsome, his features sharp but beautiful. I pictured all the drawings I'd done of him. Though they were all done without thought, I knew some of those sketches were the most authentic and alluring pieces I'd ever drawn.

I didn't remember much about my mother, but I did remember something she'd once told me. The sentence had stuck with me from the day she'd first said it and since then I'd always tried to let it show in my work. _An artist's best work always comes from the heart._

So did that mean my pictures of Rhys were coming from my heart? But why though? All that there was in my heart was the wish to be successful. That's all I wanted. I didn't want the love of my life anymore. Not after Tamlin. Tamlin's actions had proved to me that my dreams had always stupid and false and that there never had been anyone perfect for me out there. And even if there was, which I very highly doubt, it was not Rhys. Rhys was not perfect. He was arrogant. He was intimidating and always stared at me as if there was something wrong with my face. He wasn't perfect. He was sad and stressed. I'd seen it in my paintings and in real life, too. He was not perfect… but what if?… What if… there was no one perfect out there. What if there never was a perfect guy out there for me. What if I had always been destined to be with an imperfect man. What if I was to make him perfect. No. Not perfect. _Complete_. I was to make someone complete with my love, and he would reciprocate. Because that was love. Completing someone with your love.

As I lay in bed, I thought about all that.

And then, out of no where, I remembered how his eyes had wandered to my lips before drifting back up. I blushed again at the thought, before flipping on to my stomach, stuffing my face in my pillow, and forcing myself to sleep. But even then, night-blue hair and violet-coloured, silver-flecked eyes stared back at me in my dreams.

AN: I love this chapter, it's just so sweet. But what do you think? Do you like where their thoughts are going? Tell me everything.


	10. Chapter 10: A Fight?

_AN: Another chapter for you guys. I hope you like it. Let me know in the reviews._

 _Disclaimer: Everything belongs to SJM, except for the plot._

 **Chapter 10:** **A fight?**

Two months passed after that night. I continued to ponder over the dark emotions I saw in his face, even though the rest of the world couldn't see them. I sketched many more pictures of him. Sometimes it was a bicep, sometimes an eye, sometimes his whole body in its wonderful glory. Some I coloured, some I didn't. After the first few times, I stopped trying to stop myself from drawing, and instead put energy into hiding them. I still shudder when I think about that one time when Mor barged into my room, without knocking, and I quickly scrambled to cover the set of lips I'd been drawing. Sensual lips that made me hot just thinking about them.

And in the times that Rhys didn't haunt my thoughts, Mor and I looked for jobs and a car. We had both within the first couple weeks of the second month. Mor found a job as a waitress at a local Starbucks while I landed a job as a receptionist at a local dentist. It wasn't the flashiest job but it got money in my account so I kept it.

Soon after that, we got a car between ourselves—a second-hand blue Mazda. We decided that if both of us needed the car at the same time but we're going in a different direction, one would take the bus and the other would take the car, alternating each time. It worked for both of us so we were happy.

 _Rhys POV_

Two months. That's how much time had passed since that night. And I'd just gotten ruder with each day. It hurt her, I knew that. But I had to do it. I had to keep her away. I had to be arrogant and sassy if only so that she would keep hating me and not want to be anywhere near me. I knew that if she didn't hate me, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I would approach her, and I would eventually ask her to be with me. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't let her have that power over me. I couldn't let another person reside in my heart only to cut it into pieces from the inside.

But that didn't mean I couldn't hate myself for it.

I still wanted to help her. I still wanted those shadows to leave her face and never appear again. I wanted her to be happy.

I wanted to _make_ her happy. I wanted to protect her, to kiss her. So badly sometimes. I wanted to kiss her when she would look so beautiful in her fluffy scarfs and thick coats. I wanted to lick her when the tip of her ears and nose were red from the cold. I wanted to bite her when she bit her own lips, making them even plumper and cheery red than they already were.

I wanted to do all of those things and more. But I couldn't. But that didn't mean I didn't think about doing them. And every time I thought about doing them, I had to rush home as soon as possible home and take an ice-cold shower.

—

 _Feyre's POV_

That's it. I was done with his shit. I was done with him ignoring me and his arrogance and cockiness which only seemed to increase in my presence.

And so one day, in Business, I decided to talk to him.

Class finished and I quickly packed my bag before walking up to Rhys, "Can I talk to you in private? Now?" He raised his eyebrows and I narrowed my eyes daring him to decline. Finally, he smirked before jerking his chin, telling me to go ahead. Outside in the large hallway, I found a corner and after making sure he was following behind me, I walked towards it.

Towering over me, he stood before me. "So what did you want to talk about?" He asked.

"You." His eyebrows arched. "Your attitude." I clarified for him. I watched him struggle to hide his smile as he turned his head this way and that trying to hide it. But I still saw it. Finally, he said, "what do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. You spend the whole of class staring at me but turn away when I turn to look at you. You grimace when we have to do something together, whether it be with our friends or for something in Business. You're rude to me. I don't like it."

He stares at me for a few seconds before saying, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Stop! Just stop being so rude to me." But then I see it. I see something that had been growing throughout our entire conversation. He had started building his walls the moment I started walking up to him back in the classroom. And now they were fully up and impenetrable. "Bye Feyre." He said and then abruptly turned and left me there staring, wide-eyed, at his back.

Rhys's POV

 _You spend the whole of class staring at me but turn away when I turn to look at you. You grimace when we have to do something together, whether it be with our friends or for something in Business. You're rude to me. I don't like it._

I was hurting Feyre. I didn't want to. But I had too. I had to protect myself and my fragile heart. But she was _so_ beautiful. But so was _she_. Or at least she had been. With her fiery red-gold hair and molten black eyes, she had been so charmingly alluring and stunning. And then she hurt me. With him. Together they hurt two the most important people in my life. They killed them. I wouldn't let that happen again. I didn't care if Feyre was the most staggeringly beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on. I would not make any relationship with her. I would not let her see how much she affected me. I would not let her in. I would not let her—or anyone else—ever hurt me or anyone I cared about, again.

But I still wanted her. I wanted her so, _so_ badly. It's like I couldn't breathe without her. She was my lifeline and I was denying myself that simple pleasure.

I couldn't do it anymore.

And just like that, my mind came up with a million ways I could keep her close to me, but not let her realise just how desperate I was for her presence.

 _AN: I hope you liked that chapter. I've written about 10 more chapters ahead of this one and I can not wait for you guys to read them. I'm so excited. But anyways. What do you think Rhys is gonna do? Let me know what you think. And as always, thank you so much for reading. You make my day XOXO :)_


	11. Chapter 11: Well done, Rhys

_AN: Hey, so this is the second time I'm uploading this chapter, becasue someone very kindly informed me of all that annoying coding everywhere in this chapter. I've fixed it now, and hopefully, it'll stay like that. Be bare with me, while I try to fix this stupid problem. Thank you._

 **Chapter 11: Well done, Rhys**

 _Rhys's POV_

"Seriously?" Mor's eyes bulged as she stared at me, excitement and shock mingling in her eyes.

I had told the whole group plus Varian, Amren's boyfriend and Feyre, to come to the library so that I could tell them something.

"You're seriously taking us to Disneyland? In LA? In two days, during the two-week holiday, we have coming up?" I nodded my head wryly at Mor, before glancing at Feyre, wanting to catch her reaction. She was quiet, a small smile lighting her face, but I could see her eyes glowing with much more expression. She was excited. I was willing to bet she'd never been to any of the Disneyland parks, which meant this would be a first for her. I gave her small smirk before turning to the others and telling them the whole plan.

We would be living in a hotel, within driving distance of the park. I'd already bought 5-day passes for all of them and also paid for three rooms. Cassian, Azriel and I would be in one, Amren and Varian in another and Feyre and Mor in the last. We'd be there for seven days which meant we could spend at least one day doing something other than enjoying the rides and another resting while the rest of our trip would be spent going through all the things they offered at Disneyland.

Mor squealed before running off, dragging Feyre along with her, presumably to do some last-minute shopping or maybe some other things here and there.

Soon the others left too, and I was left alone to think about Feyre's reaction. She was happy and excited, that much was clear, even though she didn't let it show.

It was enough.

—

 _Feyre's POV_

Disneyland. I'd never been before and the smirk Rhys had given me made me suspect this trip was just a part of some great scheme he was thinking. But I couldn't deny the excitement I was feeling. I'd always wanted to go to Disneyland, and I knew that going with Mor's friends would just make the trip a hundred times better. That's just the type of people they were. They managed to find the fun in everything. It was one of the reasons I loved hanging out with them. They just made me laugh so much. They helped me forget everything bad in my life, even if it was only for a second, and I was able to have fun. I was able to laugh and be happy. I wanted that. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to laugh. Which is why I didn't make too much of a fuss when Rhys told us he'd already paid for everything. Who am I to turn down a whole week of endless fun with such lively people, or I guess, lively in their own unique ways.

—

Two days later, I found myself loading bags into Rhys's car. It was going to be a tight fit, sitting in such close proximity to so many men for about seven hours, but I could make it. At least I hoped I could.

Thankfully seven hours later, I found myself sighing in relief. I'd made it. The multiple stops we'd taken for food and bathrooms had helped quite a lot.

As Rhys parked the car, I looked around. There were a lot of trees and the place actually looked quite welcoming. As we took our bags inside, I noticed beautiful wallpapers of different Disney characters such as Micky and Cinderella. It was actually quite nice. Once we had our keys, Rhys led us towards our rooms. He dropped Amren and Varian first before taking Mor and I to our room. It wasn't very big but not to small either. It was perfect really, The wall the beds were against had been painted a sea blue with the rest of the walls being white. The bedsheets and some few things here and there matched the blue, but otherwise, everything else was a plain white. Rhys gave me the keys, and before leaving told us that dinner was in about 4-5 hours but if we wanted to we could come to the pool before then. The others would also be coming in another couple hours or so.

And so a couple of hours later, I find myself swimming in the hotel pool with the rest of Mor's friends as well as other families/couples who had chosen to use their holidays to come to LA too.

For most of our time in the pool, I just sit off to the side, watching as Mor and Cassian interacted loudly with practically everyone in the pool, sometimes involving the kids in a game of water-tag, and sometimes everyone in a game of water polo. She did force me to play them later with a threat that if I didn't play at least one game she'd burn all my luggage. I believed her.

We had moved to the spa when he came towards me. I looked into Rhys's eyes. I'd drawn them so many times now, I knew them like I knew the back of my hand. They truly were beautiful and impossible to recreate perfectly.

I quickly blinked my thoughts away before focusing again on Rhys. He had taken a seat beside me. "I'm sorry." He started off with.

"Why?" I frowned, though I knew why.

"For being an ass." I looked away from him. I hadn't really meant to be so straightforward or mean with my words but I just couldn't have held it in any longer. I'd had to tell him. And honestly, I was proud of myself for being brave enough to actually open my mouth for once. "It was totally uncalled for, but I want you to know that it's nothing personal. I've just been having a hard time lately and being arrogant and sassy is just the way I handle it, I guess. I didn't mean to upset you or anything." He finished.

I looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. "Why are you having a bad time?"

'Hmm?" He asked though I knew he had heard my question.

"What's bothering you?"

"I don't really want to talk about right now." He blocked me out.

I sighed. I felt pity for him. Something told me that whatever was going on in his mind right now was the reason for the lines and stress I saw often across his face. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" It had sounded a lot better in my head but once it was out, I couldn't take it back, no matter how cringe I thought my words were. But then he looked up at me, gratitude in his eyes, "Thank you. Thank you so much."

 _Rhys's POV_

My nightmares had stopped. Well, not stopped, really. I guess you could say they had lost their consistency. Before I met Feyre I had usually gotten them at least twice or thrice a week but in the last couple months, they'd only been bad enough to waken me thrice in the middle of the night. I'd say that was progress. And something told me that Feyre was the reason for the decreasing number of my nightmares. And something also told me that the closer we got to each, the fewer nightmares I'd have. It only gave me another reason to want her close by me so much. Because there were many reasons. Yes, she was beautiful and smart and charming. But she was also ambitious and artistic. Her mind was so different as if she saw the world in a totally different way as opposed to the way normal people like me saw it. Sometimes I'd catch her just staring at something, her eyes glazed over as if she were cataloguing the view in front of her, in her mind, and deciding which colours she'd use or mix together to paint that tree there and the river here. It astonished and intrigued me so much, that mind of hers.

"For what?" She asked me.

"For," _—being there, comforting me, taking my many sleepless nights away—_ "being friends with Mor. I knew she was lonely in New Zealand but I also know that when you two met, she was a lot happier person."

She stared at me, eyes narrowed as if trying to figure out whether I was lying or not, but only said, "You're welcome," before turning her eyes away from me to look at Mor who, it looked like, was flirting with another woman with dark brown hair and colourful tattoos running up and down her arms. Looking back at Feyre, I could tell she wasn't surprised. She obviously knew about Mor's sexual orientation. I was glad that Mor was able to be comfortable enough with her sexuality to not hide it. Suddenly Feyre turned back to me. "What do your tattoos mean?"

 _Feyre's POV_

Today was the first time I'd seen his tattoos in their full glory, including the ones on his knees. Mountains with three stars above the peaks. That's what they were, but what did they _mean_?

"The ones on my chest are just a representation of our friendship hence the reason they have them, too." He paused, glancing at his friends and then looking at me as if deciding whether or not it was worth telling me about the ones on his knees. Or maybe he was thinking about whether or not I'd understand the meaning. In any case, he carried on, "The ones on my knees mean I will bow for nothing and no one but myself, and what I hold dearest in my heart." I tilted my head, partly in surprise but also in interest. It was such a strange reason to tattoo your knees with mountains, but I understood why he did what he did. It was a reminder to himself and to the rest of the world.

"Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it." I finally said, and he nodded back at me. His eyes darted to the clock on the wall, and he said to me, "We should be getting out soon, it's nearly time for dinner." It was then that I realised that more than half the people had already gotten out of the pool. There were only us and one couple, and just as I thought that they started getting out too. I nodded at Rhys before floating through the water to the steps and he went to tell the others to get out too.

Twenty minutes later, I found myself sitting in between Amren and Mor at a table in the hotel dining room. It was quite flash with its red walls and gold embroidery running up and down them. The high ceiling was a series of images ranging from different cultures and mythology shown in different panels of stained glass. It was actually really cool to look at it. We ordered our food and drinks and soon dug into our food which ranged from pastas(Cassian) to salads(Amren). The whole time Cassian and Mor were being goofballs making the rest of us laugh. At one point Cassian made a comment to Mor about the woman she'd been talking to in the spa, but Mor was quick to shut him up with a glare. But then two seconds later she added, "She's straight and wanted to have sex with you. I told her you'd castrated yourself for religious reasons. You can never have sex." Cassian choked on his food, coughing furiously as Mor looked up at him, an evil smile on her face that clearly meant she didn't regret what she'd done and was thoroughly satisfied by Cassian's reaction. _That_ got everyone at the table laughing.

It was during dessert that Rhys got everyone quiet and told us the plan for the next week we were spending in LA.

Basically each day there would be three groups with two having two people each and the last team having three people in their group. Each day everyone would get a few areas in the park and we could spend the day hanging around those areas. Our last day, at Disneyland, we would all stay together and go over everyone's favourites over the whole park. Hopefully, by the end of our five-day pass, everyone would've done everything Disneyland offered at least once if not more than once. Rhys told us that he'd made it this way to avoid all the fuss and arguments they would've definitely happened if we'd all stuck together the whole time. And then on the sixth day before we left, us girls would be able to go shopping or do whatever we wanted while the boys would be going for a Lakers game which was also happening on that day, and then later in the night we'd all go to local bar and just end the trip by getting drunk.

I was really excited.

 _AN: Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think of it. Tell me everything._


	12. Chapter 12: Disneyland

_Disclaimer: Everything except for the plot belongs to Sarah J Mass._

 **Chapter 12: Disneyland**

We left early in the morning and split into our groups before going off in totally different directions. I was with Cassian and Mor for the first day—pretty good people to spend my first day in Disneyland, in my opinion, despite their constant teasing.

Each group had been assigned a few sections in Disneyland and we were allowed to do whatever we wanted in that section for the whole day. We started at the Grizzly Peak and did the Redwood Creek Challenge Trail before moving on to Soarin' around the world and then we kept going, kept having fun. It was bliss. I would have to thank Rhys for giving this to me—the chance to just let go for once.

We spent the rest of the day, eating, goofing around and laughing. Cassian and Mor continued their banter. Not even an hour had passed and my stomach was already sore from laughing. It truly was a wonderful start to my first trip to Disneyland.

That evening, my limbs were still humming with energy despite how exhausted I was. Dinner was loud and enjoyable. I really was starting to fit in with Mor's friends, becoming a part of the "Inner Circle" as they called it.

Rhys talked with everyone, asking us how we were enjoying our time in LA so far. He was clearly very pleased with himself when he was met with a positive response. Towards the end of our dinner, Rhys said to me, "Feyre, are you having fun?"

And because I was so happy and glad about how I'd spent the day, I blurted out, "Oh Rhys, thank you some much for letting me come on this trip with you and your friends" in a such a loud voice that I was actually a little surprised that nobody turned to look at me. Rhys chuckled softly as I looked around consciously before I turned back to look at Rhys. Him smiling made me want to smile too, so I didn't try to stop it. I let my smile tell him exactly how grateful I was. "I'm glad." He said, and an expression crossed his face but it was gone before I could figure it out. I just kept smiling. I didn't think anything could ever take the wide smile I had on my face right now.

A smile.

I was smiling. Tamlin wasn't here to stop me and I wouldn't let him or his friends taint my time here in LA, or USA period. He was Auckland, far away from me. I was safe; I was healing; I was happy.

 _Rhys's POV_

She was happy. I tried to stop myself from staring at her, but the look of pure contentment as she ate her dinner… there was nothing like it. She was just so stunningly beautiful. And then she smiled. And I felt my heart as it rose up and out of my body because of how light I felt. How unburdened I felt. How _calm_. Was it possible that she was doing that to me? Was she making me happy? So happy that I felt as if I were literally floating.

Was that even possible?

Was it possible that just making someone happy made you feel as if everything was right in the world? But then again, Feyre wasn't just anybody. She was Feyre, one in a million. She was unique, special. She was stunningly beautiful and for the first time since _her_ , I wanted someone.

I wanted to be with someone, wanted to make them happy. I wanted to make her laugh, smile… and most of all, I wanted to protect her.

It was then that I realised just how much I need her to be safe. It was then that I realised that I could die protecting her. And I didn't mind. Because she would get to live, and that was good enough for me.

That night, while in bed, my eyes were closed but I continued to see Feyre's face. And then it hit, like a bolt of lightning.

 _I love her._

 _Feyre's POV_

The next few days were pretty much the same. I spent the second day with Azriel, which I was honestly a bit nervous of doing but after an hour or so, I started relaxing and actually got to know him and it turned out that despite his quiet nature he was a really cool guy. He told me stories about Cassian and Rhys and all their antics which often left Azriel to clean their mess up.

At the end of the day, my stomach was in even more pain than yesterday from just laughing, though I'm sure some of it was also from the adrenaline rush lots of the rides gave me.

The third day I spent with Rhys and Amren. I was also nervous about that but mostly because Rhys and Amren both had such big personalities, but it turned out okay. I got more comfortable in their presence as the day passed, even though I couldn't help but notice Rhys staring at me multiple times throughout the day, and when he wasn't staring there was a strange… air in between us that even Amren's body couldn't obstruct. It was weird, to say the least, and I couldn't help but feel a little conscious.

But I didn't let that one thing—or I guess, two—ruin my time here at Disneyland. It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance and I wouldn't let anything ruin it.

It was on the fourth day that I dreamed a particularly funny dream, but weird at the same time.

 _All of a sudden, the sky went black and haunting screams emerged from inside the gates of the castle. Sensing movement in one of the turrets, I stared at it before jumping in surprise as tiny babies flew out the cages set over the windows. As one flew past me, I got a closer look at it and realised they were actually fairies._

 _BOOM! BOOM!_

 _More fairies came flying out of the window. People that had suddenly appeared around me started running; I still didn't understand what was happening but that wasn't the worst of it. Mickey Mouse, a giant version of him, was running straight for me. I couldn't move; my limbs were frozen with terror. And then all of sudden, he stopped, his fat belly inches away from my face. He kneeled and dug around in his pocket for a few seconds before pulling out a giant corndog. A corndog!_ And then I woke up.

 _Man, Disneyland was getting to me._

 _AN: Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think of it so far._


	13. Chapter 13: Tensions are high

_Disclaimer: I do not own of the characters as they all belong to Sarah J Mass, the person who created them. The only thing I own is the plot._

 **Chapter 13: Tensions are high**

Our last day at Disneyland was the best in my opinion. We were all together and did the Tea Cup ride on Cassian's insistence and I watched and laughed as Rhys and Cassian flew past us, spinning as fast as they could on the cups and just overall screaming and annoying everyone. What made it even more humorous was when they tried annoying Azriel with their antics but he just stared at them with the most straight face I'd ever seen. It annoyed the heck out of them.

The next day Amren, Mor and I were out early morning. We had breakfast at iHop and then went to a nearby mall. We spent the day shopping, eating and just pampering ourselves. I ended up getting a small hair trim that was barely noticeable, and all of us got a full body wax—though I bailed out on the bikini part—, our eyebrows threaded and fake nails. After that, we went to the movies and watched a Rom-Com that was honestly one of the dumbest movies ever. I had a blast, despite my feet that had started groaning in pain two or three hours into our shopping spree. They both clearly had a lot of money and weren't afraid to spend it. One of our last stores was H&M and we ended up getting a dress each for tonight. Mor's was a fun thing, a black sparkly dress coming down to her mid-thigh. But what made it fun was the strings that hung down in layers across the whole dress which swung around every time she shook her hips. It was a bit showy for my taste but it suited her body so well that I couldn't help but think that she would most probably get laid today if she wanted. She really was very pretty and confident in her body. I was happy that she had that for herself.

Amren's dress was dark blue that resembled the blue theme the boys seemed to have going on with their tattoos and features. It was also a bit more plain than Mor's. It suited her and her personality. The straps were spaghetti and the neck was a straight line across her chest. A slit ran up her leg coming to a stop a little above her mid-thigh. It hugged her curves and made her seem a little taller. Also a little showy but perfect for Amren who also happened to have a spectacular body.

My dress was the most conservative: A purple velvet textured dress that came down to my feet though there was a slit running up my leg. The straps were halter-like and wrapped around my shoulders in a way that my dress wouldn't allow any accidents but showed off my bareback. And as a small addition, the dress had an oval-shaped cut out showing a little cut-out off my chest of too.

I was nervous. The dress made me nervous. It was one of the most glam things I'd worn since that day so long ago now, and I couldn't help but remember Officer Smith's words. He had told me that my dress was one of the many reasons, I couldn't file a case against Tamlin or Dagdan. It made me scared. Mor noticed that while we were trying our outfits on in the changing room and she very subtly sent Amren out of earshot for some time, during which she told me that she would give me a choice. She would let me choose whether or not I wanted to do this. If I chose not to go, she would fully support my decision and stay in the hotel room with me. And if I chose to go? Then she would be by my side the whole time and would keep me safe. She would be there for me, whenever I needed her. It helped. I decided to go. Partly because I also wanted to prove to myself that I could do this, that I was healing. I needed to keep my promise to myself of not letting Tamlin take over my life.

I would go.

—

We came home soon after that and Mor helped me do my makeup and hair as she did her own. Amren was in her own room getting ready. I was really happy with the results when I looked at myself in the mirror and thanked her for all her effort.

Now we walked down to the reception where we would meet the Amren, Varian and the boys. Boys. Rhys.

I couldn't but think about how he would react. Would he think I'm ugly, or pretty, or showing off too much skin and be disgusted?

Would he still stare at me, like he always does?

I forced the thoughts out of my head with a blink and directed my attention to Mor, who was squealing with excitement.

Walking backwards, ahead of me, she jumped up and down and then came back to me, linking her arm through mine, and squealed even more before saying, "Feyre! Aren't you excited!?" She practically screamed in my ears. I tried to resist the smile growing on my face but failed. It was impossible to not smile when Mor was screaming and jumping up and down in her delight. It was impossible not to join in.

We reached the lobby, and found that the Varian and Amren were already there but not the boys. We sat down to wait and Mor immediately started up a conversation with Amren about how excited she was to get drunk. We didn't have to wait for very long, as the boys strolled in only a minute later. And then there he was. Rhys was wearing a light-weight grey sweater over a collared, striped peachy shirt with black jeans that were a bit worn out. He looked spectacular. My mouth watered at the sight of him and I had to swallow as well as subtly rub my thighs together to relieve a little of the pressure that had instantly grown in between. Rhys's eyes moved to look at me and I jerked my eyes to move away from him and on to Cassian and Azriel. They had also gone for a casual look: Cassian wear a bomber jacket over a white t-shirt and blue tight jeans with rips running up and down both his legs, and Azriel was wearing a white sweater over blue jeans that he had rolled up to show a bit of his ankles. He was wearing white converse to match the shirt.

God really had put a lot of effort into all of the Inner Circle. And then here I was, with my plain brown hair that had some gold in it and blue eyes that were dulled by the grey in them. Ah well, there was so many of them, maybe I wouldn't be noticed. _God, wouldn't that be a relief._

I noticed then, the eyes I could feel raising the hair on the back of my neck. I turned to see that Rhys was indeed still staring at not me but somewhere below. I wanted to look away because this wasn't anything different than what he usually did in my presence, but then I noticed the gleam in his eyes. It looked as if the silver in his eyes was sparkling with delight and a special desire for something. _What could he possibly desire looking at me?_ I frowned a little which brought Rhys's attention to me. He blinked and I watched as the sparkle vanished from his eyes and his lips curled back into a cheeky smirk. My frown turned into a narrowing of the eyes but then I just sighed, tired of his games, before looking away, and felt the connection that had been forming break.

Soon we were in the car, and off to the club.

—

It was too much like the place Tamlin had taken me. Everywhere I looked it reminded me of something about that night. The neon lights were so much like the ones that had been at the Ale House. The dark corners were just as dark as the alleyway where it had all gone down.

Feeling my eyes starting to water up, I blinked the tears away and moved close enough to Mor that I could feel the tiny hairs on her arm. I needed her warmth, her protective aura to get rid of the icky feeling that had started to cover me, the feeling of Dagdan's sticky leer on my skin. Sensing me, she turned to look at me and smiled. I gave her a shaky smile back and she linked her arm through mine. I sighed in relief, glad that I had Mor and that she knew exactly what was going through my head and what I needed.

Bringing my attention back to my surroundings, I realised that we had reached a private corner. Rhys asked us what drinks we wanted and everyone told him their drinks, with me just wanting water, and went to get them.

After that, the night is more a blur than anything. It takes a while for Mor and Cassian to convince me to get on the dance floor and even then I wasn't really into it. I was back at the couch in fifteen minutes, Mor doesn't push me; she knew that I just needed some time to get fully rid of the memories the bar had stirred up. Rhys had given me a questioning look but I just ignored him.

By midnight all of them had had at least seven or eights drinks.

Mor had started with a single shot but then as the night progressed they just kept coming and she just kept drinking. Honestly, I was surprised she even lasted on her feet past midnight. I had expected her to fall on her face hours ago. But there she was dancing on the floor in her sexy dress causing the men around her to have their mouths gaping open, their tongues practically hanging out. Cassian was also much the same as Mor, as she and he were apparently drinking buddies tonight. Together they just kept on chugging and chugging and chugging into the night. Amren, however, was a totally different story. Two shots in, Mor dared Amren. Amren, being one not to back down from a dare, took the shot. And then another one. And another. Five shots in and she was swaying on her feet and then puking her guts out. Seconds later, she passed out and Varian took her home, as he was still mostly sober, using a cab. Cassian and Mor continued their drinking, and I watched as Azriel did the complete opposite and instead kept giving the others their drinks. It seemed that Azriel was the one who never got drunk and instead got the others drunk.

And then lastly Rhys. I tried to keep my attention away from him most of the time and I was able to except for those times when he was inches away from other women's bodies. By midnight he was pretty drunk too and wasn't hold back in his dancing. He was touching other women and letting them reciprocate. It disgusted me for some reason I couldn't for the life of me figure out why but every time I happened to turn to look at him, he was there with another person. Though something I found strange was that he didn't let anyone kiss him or get too touchy with him, and he didn't do the same to others either. He was beautiful and he knew that as well as the people around him. They threw themselves at him and he let them come but when they got touchy, he moved on. It was simple as that for him and he was aware of where he was the whole night despite being so drunk.

And through all that, I stayed sober and in the dark alone. People came to me, but I didn't let them stay. I wasn't in the mood. I was too busy trying to keep my thoughts and emotions at bay. I'd known this would happen, the torrent of memories, both sweet and cruel. They threatened to crush me and break me, but I held strong, even as I was pushed back the smallest millimetre each time something about the place we were in triggered a memory. My resilience threatened to snap every second I spent in that place, but I held strong through it all. I had to. Otherwise, the night wouldn't have progressed.

—

It was around 1:30 in the morning by the time we left. Azriel helped me get Mor and Cassian into the car, while Rhys was able to stumble his way forward on his own.

Azriel drove the car to our hotel and then we were going to drag them up to their rooms when suddenly Rhys started giving orders to us, even in his drunken state. "Az, why don't you take Cass up to our room. I'll help Feyre take Mor." His words were slurred and Azriel's frown told me that he seriously doubted Rhys would be able to help me. But he was already moving. I scrambled to get an arm of Mor's over my neck while Rhys did the same with her other arm. I shrugged at Azriel, who's mouth was gaping open in a rare display of shock and directed Rhys as he helped me. It was a little awkward because of the difference in our heights but eventually, we reached our suite. Rhys took all of Mor's weight while I quickly opened the door and got back in position, helping him drag Mor's ass to her bed. She fell with a thud but didn't even moan. She was fast asleep. I was in the middle of taking Mor's shoes off and covering her with the blanket when I heard a loud thud behind me. I spun around to find Rhys splayed across the floor. My eyes widened and I crouched down, bringing my hand to his cheek. "Rhys. Rhys?" I tried to get him to wake up, but he was already snoring away. I exhaled loudly before deciding to just let him sleep on my bed. I couldn't take him all the way to his room; he was too heavy. I was grunting and struggling to get Rhys into my bed when I heard him. I felt a little of the weight leave my shoulders as Rhys come back to relative consciousness before I felt his husky breath in my ear. "Feyre," He drawled. His voice was more gravely than usual. Heat shot through my body at my name on his lips and came to rest in between my legs. "You're so beautiful." He said as I kept pushing him towards my bed. "So beautiful you make me want to cry. You're pure and smart and breath-taking. I might like you Feyre, even love you." I gulped, not willing to believe him. I kept telling myself, _He's drunk, he's drunk, he's drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying._ As I let him fall into my bed, his arm falling away from around my shoulder causing my back to immediately go ice-cold, he carried on, oblivious to my thoughts. "You're nothing like her, you know. She was beautiful too, but in a different way. Her beauty was a malicious kind, the type that slowly kills you. And I made the mistake of loving her. And then she destroyed me." I was struggling now to keep myself moving but I did it. Slowly I took his shoes and socks off, covered him with the blanket. "She ripped me apart. She killed them. They both did." I was stunned into silence at his words and I couldn't do anything as tears dripped out of the sides of his eyes. And then all of sudden, he was snoring again, fast asleep. It was like nothing had ever happened. It was like he hadn't just told me the very reason he was so broken. Because I knew whatever the women and the other person had done to whoever Rhys had been referring to as "them"—I assumed they were some type of family member of Rhys's—it had been bad. Bad enough that Rhys was who he was today. Hurt and broken. Just like me.

I moved away from the bed, only to be tugged back by his hand which was tightly gripping mine even though he was sleeping. I gently unwrapped his fingers from around mine before slipping out of my clothes, putting on a loose shirt and sweatpants and hopped into bed with Mor.

It felt like only seconds later when I was woken up. It was still dark out and I felt a little disoriented before I realised what had woken me up. "No, no, please no." Rhys. "Leave them alone please." He was murmuring in his sleep. As I rushed over towards him he got louder. "No. No! Let them go!" Sitting on the edge of the bed, I put a hand over his cheek, feeling the sweat on his skin and wetness from his tears, and tried to wake him. "Rhys. Rhys, wake up." I said waking him up but when he didn't, I got a bit louder. "Rhys! Rhys, you're dreaming, wake up!" And then finally his eyes blinked open, his hot breath hitting my face as he gasped. He stared at me for a couple of seconds before coming up and wrapping me tightly in his arms. I grunted from the force, before hesitantly bringing my arms up to wrap around his hard, muscled body which I could feel through his clothes. He was still breathing a bit unevenly in my ear, so I calmed him down with words, "It's okay. It was just a dream. Just a dream." And slowly I felt his breath even out before his arms dropped from around me. I watched as he slowly leaned away from me, his head hung low, his shoulders slumping. I didn't know what to do or say so I just stared at him, waiting, but thankfully he filled the silence seconds later. "I'm sorry," He said looking back up at me. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I didn't mean to." He frowned, clearly disappointed with himself.

"It's alright. No one can control their dreams. It's not your fault." I hesitated before saying. "Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head, glancing back down where he was wringing his hands together in his lap, and I nodded in understanding before getting back on my feet. "I should probably go back," I said pointing back at Mor's bed. He looked up at me and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but ended up not replying. I was about halfway across the room before I heard him call my name softly but loudly enough that I heard it. I turned to find him looking at me, a strange expression on his face. He stared at me for a second before pushing the comforter away and padding across the room until he was inches away from me and with his height he had to look down at me. I gulped, watched as he slowly, hesitantly brought a hand up to cover my cheek. I sucked in a breath as I felt his body-heat course through my veins. His eyes drifted down to my lips before coming back up to look into my eyes. There was a question in them, and I knew what it was but I couldn't believe that this was what he wanted. But then he spoke the words and I was forced to believe him. "Feyre. Can I kiss you? I've wanted to kiss you since the day I first saw you." I stared at him for a second but then I nodded, and he brought his lips to mine. I couldn't help but gasp as I felt his lips join with mine, pleasure shooting from the ends of my hair to the tip of my toes before coming back up and resting right there, in my core. My hands came up to weave themselves in his hair which was tousled from sleep and soft to the touch. The kiss was slow, Rhys letting me take control. It was soft and sensual and blissful.

I broke apart from our kiss, breathless and stared at him. I could see more questions in his eyes: _Did you like it? Can I do it again?_ I didn't answer him and instead thought about how my lips felt. How completely comfortable and happy and _safe_ I felt with him. Kissing Tamlin had never been like that. Never, not once. Not once did he ask me first before kissing. Not once did he make me want to melt from the raw emotion I felt in our kisses. There never _was_ any emotion. He was kissing me for the sake of it and himself, and I was kissing him back because I felt obliged to. That's what partners do, right? Kiss each other. So I kissed Tamlin but it was never as exhilarating as the kiss I'd just shared with Rhys.

Rhys.

He had kissed me. He had actually kissed me. I looked up into his eyes. And saw that he wanted to kiss me again. Very badly. Immediately I pulled on his shirt, jerking him forward, and joined my lips to his again. His hand came up to caress my cheek and my knees buckled beneath but before I could fall, Rhys's hands came and caught me. With a jerk of his arms, he hitched me up and I wrapped my legs around his hips, my dress riding up my thighs.

"Feyre. Feyre." I heard him groan, breathlessly, around my lips. I kissed him even harder. I felt his tongue poke around my mouth looking for my tongue. I moaned as they touched, and I lost myself in the wonderful kiss we were sharing.

And then I felt his thumb come around my throat. My body involuntarily locked up, my bones going rigid with fear. Tamlin. Tamlin used to do that. Rhys broke the kiss, his face mere inches away from mine, and frowned. Before he could speak I pushed on his shoulders and he dropped me to my feet. On my feet, I took multiple steps away from Rhys, until the back of my legs connected with the bed Mor was lying on and I fell on my backside. My breathing was deep and irregular and I could see Rhys in front of me, worry and confusion in his beautiful night-sky eyes. He took a step toward me and I choked out, "Please leave. Please." He paused looking at me for a second before dropping his eyes and nodding. He looked up at me once again, and in his eyes, I saw so much emotion. I knew he liked me. Maybe even more. Our kiss had told me that much. But I couldn't reciprocate right now. Not with Tamlin at the front of my thoughts. I watched as Rhys turned on his heel, and walked out of the room. I stared at the door for a couple of seconds. I regretted telling him to leave now but I knew it had to be done. Sighing, I got on my feet and walked into the bathroom.

And once again, I found myself looking at myself in the mirror after such an unusual night. Rhys's kiss and the memory of Tamlin choking me warred for attention in my mind.

Tamlin won.

It had happened a few times and every time I'd just brushed it off, thinking he must've gotten lost in our kisses and didn't realise where his fingers were going.

 _Tamlin moaned as we kissed and pushed me further into the wall behind me. I had been walking to the cafeteria but on the way, I'd been pulled into janitor's closet. I'd let out a mini shriek before I saw who exactly had pulled me into the closet and by then he was kissing me. I'd tried to push him off at first but then his lips had moved down to my throat finding one my sensitive spots and I'd lost my train of thought. Which brought us to now. I felt Tamlin's teeth bite down on my skin softly before moving on to my jawline. I pushed my head back, giving him further access. I felt one of his hands come up from where it had been resting on my behind, and first, squeeze my breast and travel further up before reaching my throat. His fingers squeezed enough that it was a bit uncomfortable but since he wasn't choking me, I didn't say anything. His lips moved around my face, going up to bite an earlobe before moving to suck on my other one. Both us kept swapping with the dominance, wanting to please the other person._

 _He was on my lips, sucking them hard enough to bruise when it happened. I felt his thumb come over my windpipe, applying at little pressure at first but then increasing. I waited a couple of seconds waiting for him to realise what exactly his fingers were doing to me, but when he didn't, I pulled away from the kiss, bring my hand up to take his fingers off my throat. "You nearly choked me there," I nervously half-chuckled. His frown smoothed as his brows rose before he softly said, "Sorry," and then went back to kissing me, making sure to keep his fingers away from my throat._

That was the first time he did something like that, but not the last. Now I wondered how I could have been so stupid to just tolerate everything he did to me while we were together and only opened my eyes when he let Dagdan rape me. When it was too late.

I brought a hand up to softly touch my swollen lips. They looked bright pink and plump. My whole _face_ was red. Flushed. Rhys'd done that to me. He made me nervous in a good way if that was even possible. I backed up a couple of steps. When I felt the door behind me, I let myself slide down, bringing my knees up to my chest as I wrapped my arms around them tightly and tilted my head so that it was resting on my knees. As I stared at nothing, I sorted through the thoughts zooming around in my head.

I liked Rhys. I knew that. Despite the way he'd acted towards me, I wanted him. I wanted him to want me. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to go on dates and go to the movies and study together and draw him. I wanted to do everything with him.

I wanted him to love me.

Rhys was so, _so_ beautiful. He took my breath away with his raw beauty. I knew that, and I knew that he knew that too. But so had Tamlin. They were both beautiful in their own ways, but still, both were two very, _very_ different people.

Rhys, though arrogant and sassy, was loving and kind and caring.

Tamlin was just plain looks and greed and obnoxiousness.

I'd been blind to all those qualities before that night, but after what had happened to me, I refused to continue being blind. I wouldn't let myself be trampled under anyone. I was still healing, still, in the process of gaining the self-confidence, I knew I would need if I ever found myself facing someone like him again, or worse, Tamlin himself. But I was getting there, slowly but surely.

And I knew Rhys was making the same journey. Though he hadn't told me, it was clear on his face when he looked at me. The way he looked at me tonight—he looked so vulnerable and raw as if he had, just for a moment, not filtered his emotions before letting them show on his face. He did that for me. And today hadn't been the first time. He'd been laid out in front of me right from the beginning when we first shook hands. Unknowingly maybe, but we had both laid ourselves bare in front of the other in that first meeting and all the ones afterwards.

With haste, I pushed myself up onto my feet and speed-walked back to my bed and picked up my phone. I scrolled through my texts looking for Rhys's name and once found him, I texted him: _Can we talk? Tomorrow? Please?_ I stared at the phone for a couple of seconds before dropping the phone back onto the bed and went back into the bathroom and got ready for bed. I didn't check my phone before closing my eyes.

 _AN: Phew! That was a long chapter. I really need to work on my consistency. But anyways. Did you like it? They kissed! Was it right? Did you swoon? Did I do it right? Tell me everything! I love hearing from you guys. XOXO_


	14. Chapter 14: They Talk

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything. All credit goes to Sarah J Mass. I only own the plot._

 **Chapter 14: They Talk**

The next morning, my alarm woke me up at 7 AM and I picked up my phone to find a text from Rhys: _Okay. Where do wanna meet? What time?_ After yesterday's partying Rhys had decided to let everyone have a sleep in but with the warning that we had to be ready by 11 AM because we would need to leave by then if we wanted to get back to Stanford at a reasonable time.

 _Do you want to get breakfast now? At the cafe across the road?_

The reply came almost instantly. _Sure. Be there in fifteen._

I scrambled out of my bed and into the shower. I washed my hair twice and went over my body with soap twice, too. I tried curling my hair a little, but it took me only two minutes to give up on that. I could feel summer approaching. The nights were warmer, the mornings less chilly. Today, the sky looked nice and blue though it was still a little cold so I decided to wear some loose, light jeans paired with a button-down shirt with thick white and blue stripes, leaving the top two buttons open, and threw a light brown coat over it to ward of the slight chill in the air. It was conservative but sexy enough that there was a chance Rhys would like it. Because I did want him to like it. I wanted him to notice me. I couldn't deny that to myself anymore. I wanted him to look at me and think I was pretty.

Finally happy with my appearance, I left a small note for Mor, beside a glass of water and some Advil, and quietly left the room. The small cafe wasn't packed and it didn't take long for me to find Rhys. His back was to me and he was standing in front of a magazine stand, making me think he was reading one. I took in the opportunity to just look at him while he was distracted. He was wearing a light sweater, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His pants were light brown. And then unintentionally, my gaze drifted down. To his ass. The jeans were tight, showing it off and no matter how much I wanted to take my eyes off him, I couldn't. My mouth watered at the sight of him and I had to take a deep breath in before I was finally able to blink my eyes, taking my gaze off his ass. Before I could do anything else stupid, I quickly went up to him and gave him a light tap on his shoulder. He turned around and smiled when he saw me. I gave him a small smile back as he said, "Good morning Feyre." I was glad he didn't make it awkward or anything. I don't know what I would've done if he had.

"Good morning Rhys," I replied to him, my smiling growing and becoming more confident.

He led me to one of the smaller tables, where the seats were single couches. Taking my coat off for me, he hooked it over the back of my chair and seated me down, like a true gentleman. He fetched a couple of menus before returning and giving one to me and taking his seat. "Did you want to order first, or talk? Assuming that's what you called me here to do?" His voice was so nice and smooth, and it made me feel like everything would be alright if we were together.

I smiled and said, "Breakfast first, please, if you don't mind." I was very hungry and needed the extra few minutes to get my thoughts in order. We quickly chose our meals before he placed the order. While we waited he let me take control of the conversation. I started with some easy stuff, just telling him how much I'd enjoyed the week and how much I appreciated all he'd done for me and stuff like that. Soon our food arrived. I watched as the waitress set down our coffees and seconds later brought our meals. I was surprised to feel a pang of jealousy when I noticed how her eyes hung on Rhys. She was obliviously stunned by his beauty but he looked oblivious. He gave her a polite thank you before turning back to me, expecting our conversation to go on. I stayed silent as the waitress left, disappointment clear on her face. Once she was out of my line of sight, I turned back to him. Rhys had already dug into his simple BLT and was sipping on his cappuccino, time to time, while I stared at my plate stacked with pancakes, lots of bacon, syrup and banana, and a pumpkin spice latte.

Dismissing all my thoughts related to the waitress, I, suddenly not feeling so hungry, moved the food around my plate. Rhys, of course, noticed and raised an eyebrow in question. "Not hungry."

I hesitated before replying, "Did you not notice?"

"Notice what?"

"You know what."

He smirked. "No, I don't."

I narrowed my eyes. "Yes, you do. You know she was looking at you. I know you do."

His smile grew. "Is our Feyre darling jealous?" I gulped, my heart pausing for a beat at his words. _Feyre darling._

"Don't call me that." I snapped.

"Why not, Feyre darling?" I huffed in frustration and angrily took a couple of bites of my pancakes.

A few more beats of silence passed before I finally blurted out, "About yesterday." He opened his mouth to speak but I interrupted him, "No, let me finish." He nodded, putting down his cutlery and giving me his full attention. I made sure to hold his gaze as I said, "Did you like it? The kiss?" Straight to the point. He stared at me, sucking in a deep breath, perhaps deciding whether or not I could handle his answer, before nodding as he exhaled. I let out a sigh, realising I'd been holding my breath in anticipation of his answer. "I'm sorry. About what I did. I hadn't meant to flinch away and I promise it wasn't because of you." I paused. "Well, it kind of was you, but not you, if you know what I mean?" He gave me a sympathetic shake of the head, his expression telling me that he had no idea what I was talking about. I gulped. "It was what you did," I told him clearly. "Your hand came over my throat. It's a soft spot."

"Why?" I heard him ask softly, hesitantly.

I sighed, disappointed in myself. I wanted to tell him so badly, but I just couldn't get the words out. I could visualise it so clearly. I could see the words perfectly in my head as I spoke them to Rhys, but when it was time my voice refused to come out. My throat locked up, my muscles tensed.

I felt tears escape the corners of my eyes as I looked down, covering my face with my hands. I was broken. Dagdan and Tamlin had together shattered my spirit and I was exhausted of putting myself back together. I didn't want to do it anymore if it meant that I would always be haunted by the memories of that night. They were branded to back of my eyes; I couldn't rid myself of them.

And then I felt the warmth. I worked through the automatic flinch that I usually did when someone, especially a male, touched me. Once I was pretty sure I wouldn't flinch, I let myself think about other things.

Rhys was hugging me.

As if reading my thoughts, his arms dropped down from around me, his eyes becoming hooded, seemingly second-guessing his actions. He had moved to crouch next to me and as I stared at him, I thought about just how much I loved being in Rhys's arms. How warm and safe I felt.

I put a hand against his cheek, seeking the same warmth, and he leaned slightly into it, his eyes closing. I kept my hand there for a couple of seconds before dropping away. I sighed again, my head going back down. I could sense Rhys's gaze on me, desperately wanting my reply, so I took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry. I can't tell you. I want to but I just… can't." He nodded in understanding, giving me a little sad smile, "Some other time maybe."

"Some other time," I replied just as softly as him. He moved back to his seat and because of who he was, or maybe because he just wanted to get rid of the stale air that had surrounded us after all that, he adopted his usual snarky nature, and soon I was crying not from the pain in my stomach, but laughter instead. Around an hour or so later, we got up to leave. Lifting my coat off the back of my chair, I put it on and as I turned to look at Rhys, I found him inches away from me. I gasped, and he gave a smile, showing off his perfect white teeth, and said in his silky voice, "You're beautiful Feyre. Whether you believe or not, you are beautiful."

 _AN: Hey guys. I hope you like this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it. After the way, the last chapter ended I really needed them to fix things between themselves and I'm really happy with the way it turned out. But enough about me. Did you like it? Do you have any feedback, feed-forward or advice for me? I appreciate all of that and love hearing from you, so don't be scared to get in touch with me in any way. Thank you for reading and I hope to see you again next time._


	15. Chapter 15: Communication is Key

_AN: Hi. It's been a while, I know, I'm sorry. But I'm here now. A lot happens in this chapter. We'll talk more later._

 _Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Sarah J Mass._

 **Chapter 15: Communication Is Key**

A month passed. Rhys and I hung out together more, but also with our friends. We didn't tell anyone about our relationship, though I knew some of them had their suspicions. I also knew that Rhys wanted to announce our relationship, our whatever it was, but I'd made it clear through my body language that I was very hesitant. He just didn't know why.

But I knew why.

I just wasn't ready to tell him.

I was scared. I was scared telling someone would make it real. And if it became real, if Rhys and I became a real thing, that gave him access into my life. And more importantly, my heart. I knew Rhys wasn't the type to take advantage of someone, especially not in that way, but I couldn't help the thoughts. My mind thought of all men in the world as bastards, as people who could hurt you. Rhys—and Cassian and Azriel—were definitely not those type of men. I knew that for sure, even in the little time I'd known them. But despite all that, I couldn't help the thoughts. It was like the more I tried to push them away, the more they pushed back. Which is why I didn't let Rhys or myself tell anyone about our relationship(or whatever it was). I couldn't let it become real.

But even if I didn't want to think of it as real, I still wanted him.

And I'd had him for a while. But then I'd gone and fucked it up.

He'd come over to my house. Mor was off on errands leaving us alone, and we'd been watching a random movie about aliens when suddenly I felt the light touch of warm lips on my temple. I stilled. I could only hear a loud gulp from me and in the background, the movie. His lips moved down to my cheek, my jawline, my throat. One arm was wrapping itself around my waist. I was distracted by what I was feeling for a few seconds but then all of a sudden I realised where his other hand had been going. Underneath my shirt, drifting slowly up, up, up. All in the span of seconds, I yanked his hand out from under my shirt, jumped out of his lap and backed several steps away from him. His eyes were wide, surprise glistening in them. "Feyre?" He said, getting to his feet. I backed a couple more steps. My mind had been taken over by a faze. A faze of fear. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for such close physical contact from anyone, let alone men. Slowly the fear turned into disappointment. Disappointment at myself and slightly at Rhys too.

Why had he tried to do that? Why had he felt the need to touch me there?

And why had I pushed him away?

I wanted him. I was sure of that. I wanted him so badly, but I just couldn't help it as the fear coated every inch of my skin and mind. It took over my whole being, rendering me useless in every way possible. I hated it, absolutely resented myself for being that way, reacting that way.

The tears came slowly. Dismay took over me, and all I could think about was that I'd failed Rhys as well as myself. What type of partner could I be if I couldn't even handle a touch from him on my bare abdomen?

My knees buckled under me and my vision blurred as I fell. Sobs racked my body. I wanted it to stop! I just wanted it to _stop_. Was that too much to ask!?

"I just want it to stop," I whispered to myself, sobbing, and then suddenly felt arms around me. Rhys. I looked up in surprise and his arms dropped, slowly backing away an arm's length, but kept in contact with me with his hands wrapping around mine.

"What did I do?" He asked, keeping his voice very low.

"Nothing, nothing," I whined. "You didn't do anything. You were perfect. It was me. It was all me. Me, my broken self." That last part was so low, I doubted Rhys even heard me. He lifted my chin, which had gone back down, locking eyes with me. "We both did something. You tell me what I did wrong, and I'll tell you what you did wrong. Does that work for you?" He asked me. I stared at him, hesitant as I felt my eyes burning from tears, but then nodded once. He pulled me to my feet, led me back to the couch and sat me down before finally taking his seat and signalling for me to begin. I looked down, gulping and sighing. What a dreadful situation I found myself in!? I took one last breath before looking back up and finally told him. "Something happened to me. Back in Auckland. It was in December. I was at a bar with my ex and his friends, and one of them…" I shook my head, my body shaking from the memories and the tears I was holding back. "I left him after that. Came to Stanford with Mor. Forgot all about him. Or at least tried too. There are still quite A few things that trigger me. And one of them just happens to be in contact with almost any man. Your hand…it took me by surprise. I'm not ready for that. I might never be." I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. But he wasn't having it. Lifting my chin back up, he said, "What you did wrong was, push my hand away. You should've kneed me in the balls instead for taking it that far without having your consent." I couldn't help the little shaky giggle that escaped me, causing a small smile to split his lips. He continued, "But all jokes aside, I apologise. I should never have done that. And to make it up to you, how about I make you a deal. I will not touch you again, except for kisses if you wish, until you sign a consent paper. Do you want to do that?" I stared at him, unsure whether he was serious or making a joke. But no, he was wholly serious. "Yes, please?" I whispered. He smiled, gave a quick peck on the cheek before taking the cushions and stuffing them between us, creating a barrier. I frowned as he picked the remote up and unpaused the movie. We sat like that, with the pillows between us for a couple of minutes before I finally lost it. I was cold. It wasn't the same without him touching me. I needed to feel his skin on mine, even if the barrier of clothing was still there. I chucked the pillows away, slightly angry at them for coming in between us. I moved so that I had my arms around Rhys's waist and my head resting on his chest. I felt his surprise which promptly turned into amusement. He wrapped his arms around me, pecking me on the forehead with his sweet, warm lips, and whispered in my ear, "I guessing you want to redefine the consent form?" I gave him a look before kissing him full on the mouth, effectively giving him my answer and ending the conversation.

—

Another week passed. He triggered a few more reactions out of me, and every time I apologised furiously only to be told it isn't my fault by Rhys. Despite that, it always put us in quiet for some time before one of us decided no more and cracked a joke or something like that.

It was hard for both us, but we were determined to make this work. I knew _I_ was.

It was the day before I talked to him about it, that the thought occurred to me. I had trouble telling others about Rhys and myself but if I was being true to myself, the barrier was me. If I admitted it to myself, then it would be easy to tell the rest of the world. Right? Well, it wouldn't hurt to give the theory a go. But how should I go about doing that? Well, Rhys had never really said we were together as in girlfriend-boyfriend. If we used those words to define our relationship with each other, it would make it very clear where we stood with each other. I thought of ourselves as partners, or at least tried to, Despite all that had gone between us, I still couldn't quite believe that Rhys was also thinking that. So I asked him.

 _"So. Rhys." I said turning around to face him, from where he sat beside me. He looked up from his textbook where he had been writing something. His expression was slightly surprised, likely because he'd been very absorbed in whatever he'd been doing before I interrupted him and my tone both worried and surprised him._

 _"What's wrong?" He asked, his tone cautious now._

 _"Nothing. Nothing." I rushed my words without thinking about them, but thankfully Rhys waited for me, gave me the time to get my words in order. I took a deep breath before starting again. "The first time you kissed me was in LA, in Mor's and my room." He nodded slowly, unsure about where I was taking this. "We've kissed after that." He nodded again. "But we haven't told each other about ourselves. We haven't defined where we stand, what we are to each other." He frowned._

 _"Is that what you want? Clarification?" He asked me raising his eyebrows, as he turned his body to face me. I had his full attention now. I gulped, nervously, before nodding._

 _He looked down at his hands. I could see him wringing his fingers—was he nervous? Why? I watched as he took a deep breath before looking back up. "Would you like to be my girlfriend?" He was trying to go for calm but I still heard the nerves underneath his confidence. It took me a few seconds to understand what he'd said and why he had the strange look on his face. "What!" I exclaimed jumping out of my seat. He got up too, and quickly rushed out more words, "I'm really sorry, I'm just really nervous to be asking. I couldn't think of any other way to say this. Do you want to be with me?" I stared at him, my lips apart in a silent gasp. Dating. He wanted to date me. Wanted to be with me._

 _And then all of sudden, Rhys disappeared from in front of my eyes. Instead, I saw every single day I'd spent with Tamlin before he let me get raped. I watched as if from a distance: him and I watching a movie on Netflix under my bedsheet; me cheering for him and his team as they played basketball and then running on to the court and hugging him and kissing him and congratulating him for his win; us drinking an iced drink from the same cup but two different straws; him taking my virginity. Him taking me into the wretched bar mostly likely knowing what was going to happen._

 _I was shaken out of my reverie by strong, calloused hands shaking my shoulders. I blinked and realised that I had started silently crying. I looked up into Rhys's eyes, which were looking intently at me with worry. "I-I'm s-so-sorry." I stammered out before pulling myself out his grip and running past him and out the double doors that made up the entrance of the huge library._

 _"Feyre!" I heard him shout behind me, but I kept running, feeling the wind blow my hair back and bringing tears to my eyes. I turned a random corner and found a dark, secluded alcove, before falling against it, my back leaning against a hard wall, and brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them._

 _As I rocked back and forth, I involuntarily relived every single moment during which Dagdan raped me. It kept going, as if on repeat. I couldn't stop it._

 _I relived the pain, the fear, the anger, the sadness. Everything. I relived every single fucking moment. And I couldn't stop it._

 _I didn't want to stop it._

 _I wanted the reminder. I needed it. I needed to be reminded of what I'd been through and why I'd made the decision to never date again. But Rhys. He wanted me. I wanted him too. I wanted to be with him too. And he wanted it too._

 _But I was broken._

 _Did he know that? Would he want to still be with me if he knew? If he knew exactly how many pieces my heart had shattered into that night, and how long I'd spent since then, picking them up one by one. It was a long process, picking all the hundreds and thousands of pieces. I was getting tired. Multiple times I'd thought of just giving up, but then I'd remember Mor, my Dad, Nesta and Elain. I needed to live for them. I needed to survive. I needed to enjoy life. So I tried. But I couldn't stop the memories from playing again and again and never stopping the torture, the pain. It was hell._

 _And then I'd come to California and put half the world between Tamlin and I. It had helped but just barely. And then I'd met Rhys. We hang out together with the others, and I laughed for the first time. For the first time, I'd felt safe, happy. Hot. Aroused._

 _He did that to me, even though I'd accepted the fact that I would never be able to be with anyone ever again, in an emotional relationship or physical._

 _I wanted him, and he wanted me. Or at least wanted to be with me. He'd told me what he wanted when I'd asked for a clarification. It came in the form of a question. The visions of Tamlin were replaced by a much more recent memory starring Rhys._

I watched as he took a deep breath before looking back up. "Would you like to be my girlfriend?" He was trying to go for calm but I still heard the nerves underneath his confidence. It took me a few seconds to understand what he'd said and why he had the strange look on his face. "What!" I exclaimed jumping out of my seat. He got up too, and quickly rushed out more words, "I'm really sorry, I'm just really nervous to be asking. I couldn't think of any other way to say this. Do you want to be with me?"

Yes. Yes, I want to be with you.

 _I had to tell him. I had to tell him now. My eyes blinking the world started coming back to me. I'd started quickly getting to my feet when I heard, "Feyre?" My eyes snapped up to find him right there in front of me. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb you but I still wanted to make sure you were alright." I just stared at Rhys. "Feyre," he said taking a couple of unsure steps toward me. "Are you okay?" I blinked rapidly again blinking the tears that had appeared again and squeaked out, "Yes." Even I couldn't hear myself. "Yes," I said, louder._

 _"Yes?" He asked me, whispering._

 _"Yes, I'll be your girlfriend." His eyes widened to the size of saucers. "That's if, if you want to." I quickly rushed, worried I'd said something wrong. But then he jerked his head up and down and before I could help myself, I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around him. Though my grip had already been tight, when I felt his own arms come up and reciprocate, a jolt of confidence went through me and I tightened my arms even further, nestling my head against his chest._

 _For the first time in a very long time, I felt warmth wrap around me. The warmth of love._

 _—_

 _Rhys's POV_

I rushed into the house, slamming the door behind me and a huge smile on my face. Mor was there, doing something on her computer in the lounge area as she watched a movie. Hearing me, she turned to look at me, surprise clear on her face. Twenty feet away from her, I halted and said, "She's my girlfriend."

 _AN: Hi again. Did you like it? I know it got a bit cringy/cheesy but...I don't know. What do you think? Did you like it? I think there are only a few chapters left of this story. I'm looking at the outline and there isn't much left to write. I tried to include a few quotes from the books into the whole thing. Have you noticed? Maybe, I don't know. It's so surreal to think of this story as nearly finished. Rhys and Feyre are so close to my heart. They're everything to me. The relationship arc, the banter between them, the safety and love they were able to find in each other...It warms my heart to think about it. They're so beautifully well-written. Everything was absolutely perfect about them. I tried to bring that love, friendship, the kinship between them into my story. I don't know how well I've done. You'll have to tell me. I should really stop now. I have a habit of just keep on typing/writing my thoughts as they come to me. One thought triggers another and down they go on paper. There's no end. But anyways. Let me know what you think of the story so far. Or if you just wanna talk about the feels, I'm happy to listen. XOXO_


	16. Chapter 16: Sweet Times

_Disclaimer: All credit goes to Sarah J Mass. My story wouldn't exist if she hadn't written ACOTAR. I can't thank her enough for writing all she did._

 **Chapter 16: Sweet Times**

The next four months were pure bliss.

It didn't take long for word to reach our friends that Rhys and I were officially together. They were completely fine with it, ecstatic even. And strangely, unsurprised too. And though that, in turn, surprised _me_ , what rendered me even more speechless was how content I felt. It felt like a burden of my shoulders. Everyone knew they accepted, and that meant neither of us had to hold back. We kissed, we talked, we held hands. Rhys and I did everything a couple did, and I just felt so…fortunate. Each time Rhys kissed me or said something sweet to me, I couldn't help but feel silly for wanting to keep this secret. It was out now and I couldn't have been happier.

We spent the last of our summer going to trampoline parks, escape rooms, camping as a group once and having sleepovers with just us, girls. It was incredible. I smiled, laughed, had fun, made memories and being with Rhys and his friends just made it that much better.

Halfway through August, I decided to join the gym. I wanted to build my strength; I wanted to be able to defend myself. All of the Inner Circle worked out a lot so they were able to help me, particularly Cassian, with the routines, weightlifting, and just for the company and motivation to actually get to the gym. It only took a couple of weeks for me to realise how much work exercising regularly required and just how painful it could get, especially with Cassian as your instructor. Those first few weeks, I couldn't walk up and down the stairs without being scared that my legs would buckle under me, sending me flying down the stairs.

—

It was the first week of September. School had been over for about a week now and I was here at the airport waiting for my sisters. They were on school holidays and were going to be staying over at Mor's and my house for a couple of weeks.

Five minutes later, I spotted them coming through the revolving doors, and waved to them shouting, "Nesta! Elain! Here!" They turned, smiling widely and I ran up to them, giving each a huge hug. "Nesta, Elain! I've missed you so much. Oh god. There's so much to show you and tell you about. Are you guys hungry? I bet you've never had Tim Hortons. We'll have some of that before going home. Oh, I'm so excited!" I quickly dragged them to my car feeling strangely tearful but also jumpy and energetic. I guess I'd just missed them more than I'd thought and was really excited to see them after so long.

We did end up going to Time Hortons before driving home. It was three in the afternoon now, and Mor was doing a shift at her job and usually went to the gym afterwards so we had some time before she came home.

I got my sisters settled in and then started making dinner. Though I tried to stop them, they ended up helping. While cooking, we told each other about what we'd been doing in the past months since we'd last seen each other.

It had been January then. Now it was September. Nine months. So much time had passed. So much had _happened_. So much to tell and still, I talked the least. I didn't tell my sisters anything about Rhys. I didn't hide my friendship with the Inner Circle but I couldn't help but feel a little shy telling them about Rhys and I. Still, I promised myself I would tell them before they left. Just…not now.

They told me about how college was going for them. They told me about friends they made, their favourite teachers, subjects and a whole lot more. Hours passed as we cooked and talked. Around seven, Mor came in, and I introduced my sisters and her to each other before all four of us settled in for dinner. We'd gone all out and made roast pork, stir fry and chocolate mousse for dessert. Mor brought in some wine and by her third drink, she was babbling away. Nesta drank just as much as Mor while Elain and I kept the number of glasses low. After dinner, Mor suggested a movie, so once everyone was ready for bed and I'd done the dishes, we wrapped ourselves in multiple layers of blankets, snuggled in, and spent the rest of the night finishing the movie.

The next few days, we spent going to shopping malls, museums and parks. On Wednesday, the Inner Circle joined us. We were meeting at Mor's workplace at around 9. She would be taking half the day off. My sisters and I strolled in at 8:50 to find the boys and Amren already seated in the back corner. Mor ran up to us and told us to wait with them for ten minutes while she gathered her things. I led Nesta and Elain to the table where my friends were sitting. There I gave each of them a hug, making sure to not make it too obvious with Rhys, and introduced my sisters.

And that's when it got awkward.

I'd just said Amren's name when I noticed Cassian and Nesta blatantly staring at each other. Nesta had a hard, guarded expression while Cassian had one of awe and wonder. And beside them, Elain and Azriel looked like they were striping each other with their eyes. I was stunned. I had not expected that at all. The rest of the day, we spent making our way through different stores in the city, and the two pairs did not make it comfortable for the rest of us. By the time we got back home, I was exhausted of feeling the denial radiating of Nesta at getting close to Cassian in any way, and Elain's shyness off doing anything at all other than ogling each other Azriel.

Cassian would've died a thousand times over if looks could kill. He got one each time he made a vulgar joke or even looked in Nesta's direction. I don't know why she was acting like that. His expression was one of lust and I knew she wasn't someone to make quick friends with anyone, but this amount of animosity was strange even from her. It was the same with Elain. She was shy, but not _that_ shy! Poor Azriel clearly liked her but their quiet nature, which they both had, got in the way of any development that could've happened. The next week was much the same. We didn't see them every day but the days we did see them were the most annoying and exhausting. But it wasn't just them that made it exhausting, though. It was Rhys too. I'd told Rhys about what I was feeling and he had been a little surprised but didn't push me to tell them or anything. The others didn't question it either. But I kept thinking about it. Each time we met, I couldn't kiss him like usual, couldn't give him more than a friendly smile or hug or laugh.

But all those barriers were only there because I hadn't told my sisters about Rhys. It was so simple. All I had to do was speak a few words. And yet I felt like my life depended on those few words. I was scared of their reaction. And that thought triggered another memory. I'd been scared of how Cassian, Azriel, Mor and Amren would react. And then I'd told them, and they'd been happy for me. They'd accepted it. They…they hadn't changed the way they looked at me.

So why would my sisters react any differently? I couldn't think of any reason other than it had been so long since I'd seen them. My friends had seen Rhys and I before we told them. They'd seen how we were around each other. My sisters hadn't.

And yet, I knew that wasn't good enough. The only thing holding me back was myself. I had to change that. And so I told them.

A day before they left, we were alone in the living room. Mor had gone over to Amren's house for a few nights, wanting to give my sisters and I some alone-time at home before they left. I was cleaning around the house, while Elain and Nesta packed their bags. They were flying back home tomorrow. I was folding all the dry clothes that had just been washed on the couch when Elain came and booed me from behind. I flinched and when I got over my shock, started beating Elain up, half-heartedly. We both started laughing, and Elain called for Nesta to come out here. She came smiling, unusual for her, and Elain got me to sit on the couch, my laugh changing into a nervous chuckle. "What's wrong?" I asked as they sat on either side of me.

"Oh don't worry. Nothing serious. We just wanted to tell you what's on our mind. All good things, I promise." Nesta said. I calmed down a little.

After a few moments, Nesta began. "So. The Inner Circle. You seem all seem very close."

I frowned, "I guess so. They've become very good friends of mine." I shrugged as if there was nothing wrong with that.

"But are they all your friends?" Elain said, a slightly smug expression on her face.

I was so confused at the question. "What! What do you mean?"

Nesta went straight for the kill. "Rhys. We've seen the way you look at him. Friends don't look at each other like that." I was stunned. I didn't think they had noticed. But they had. And they weren't…screaming about it. They didn't even seem angry.

But why would they? All that fear, it was all in my head, I knew. I sighed, deciding to just tell them. I told them everything from that first handshake in Business, to Disneyland to the kiss on the last night to the time I'd asked for clarification in the library and everything that followed afterwards. I told them how happy the Inner Circle made me. How happy _Rhys_ made me. I told them, I think I loved him.

By the end of my story, their eyes were teary but they had giant smiles on their faces. Elain jumped and hugged me, "Oh Feyre! I'm so happy for you!"

As Elain unwrapped herself from around me, Nesta thoughtfully said, "You had seemed so quiet and sad in the last month before you left. We still don't know why, but we'll respect your choice to keep that information private. Just know that we're happy for you. We want what's best for you, and after spending so much time with all of the Inner Circle, we know they'll be good for you. Be happy Feyre." I hugged them. Everything was so perfect. I was happy and smiling, letting go of my demons from Auckland. It was perfect.

—

The next day, Mor drove us out to a Paintball centre in Santa Clara. We were a few minutes late so the others were already there. Rhys didn't know off my conversation with Nesta and Elain last night, so he kept his distance. We made teams: Nesta, Elain, Azriel, Cassian and Rhys, Amren, Feyre, Mor. The instructor told us all the rules and safety precautions, and soon we were playing. Three minutes in and Elain got shot. She laughed it off when Azriel showed a suspicious amount of concern. Another 4-5 minutes passed and then I got out. I joined Elain on the viewing deck, Rhys giving me a quick peck on the cheek on my way out. I smiled at his back and when I reached Elain, she gave me a grin telling me she'd seen. I looked away still feeling a little shy, but when I felt a hug from behind, I smiled as well.

Azriel got out next and then Amren, leaving Cassian, Rhys, Mor and Nesta to carry the game on. It got competitive. It was two against two and no one was ready to accept defeat. Us guys on the deck cheered our team members on, warning them when they couldn't see an attacker or making them aware of a possible shot.

Still, no one got shot for at least ten minutes, though several balls were fired. Eventually, Cassian got in a shot at Mor from behind while Nesta distracted her. But the joke was on them. While Cassian was distracted shooting Amren, Rhys was able to get a shot at Nesta. That left Rhys and Cassian alone. Before he could react, Rhys shot Cassian as well, ending the game with our win. My team and I cheered and teased the others as we went to our assigned area in the small cafe. I thought about the teamwork I'd seen between Cassian and Nesta especially after the friction between the two over the past couple weeks. It was interesting. But something about the way they had started looking at each other in the last couple of days told me that things would be changing soon between them. And as for Elain, based on the way Elain was laughing now at something Azriel had said, they'd already gotten over their shyness and had become very close. I smiled to myself. Each of us had found someone. Father would be so happy.

—

In the cafe, we all ordered some snacks and drinks for ourselves and settled in for lunch. Our food had just arrived when I noticed an exchange of nods between Elain and Nesta, and Nesta got up and quietly asked Rhys if she could talk to him in private. I narrowed my eyes at her tone, watching them walk away.

They came back a few minutes later, and Rhys's blank expression told me nothing of what their conversation might have entailed. I made a note to myself to ask him after I dropped my sisters off to the airport.

We finished our snacks and played another game. The other team won. By the time we left the paintball place, we only had enough time to pick up my sisters' bags before we had to head to the airport. I was slightly surprised when Rhys volunteered to drive us but didn't say anything. When it was time to let my sisters go, I gave each of them a tight hug that lasted a good 10-15 seconds each and a kiss on the cheek. It had been great meeting them after so long and I promised to visit them down in Dunedin. It was hard to let them go, and when they were gone, I had to blink tears away. Sometimes I missed them so much. I didn't regret coming to Stanford for college. Too much good had come from it. But despite all that, Auckland was my home. I would forever miss that place and everything that was tied to it.

—

That night, when we were driving home, I asked Rhys what Nesta had said to him at the paintball place. He hesitated before telling me.

 _Rhys's POV_

"So, what did Nesta talk to you about, during lunch?" We were driving home from the airport, now. I had been slightly surprised when Nesta had asked but quickly agreed not wanting to get on the bad side of the hard-willed Archeron sister. I'd been further surprised when she said what she did.

 _"So. Feyre." Nesta said. I could still see our friends but knew they couldn't hear us._

 _"Yes?" I asked, playing stupid. Feyre hadn't told her sisters about us yet, and though I disagreed, I didn't push her on it. But something about Nesta's tone told me she knew somehow._

 _"We talked yesterday. Us, sisters."_

 _I raised my eyebrows. "Did you, now?"_

 _She narrowed her eyebrows. "We know you're together, you and Feyre." I kept my face expressionless. Nesta continued. "The month before she left for Stanford, she'd been unusually quiet and secluded. She didn't take her exams with everyone else in class, and instead after school finished when everyone was already gone. She never once talked about her boyfriend after a date night they had together to celebrate their anniversary. We still don't know what happened, but we know it had something to do with him. We also know that Mor knows what happened, but Elain and I never pressurised Feyre or Mor to tell us. In December she left New Zealand, and now nine months later, we see her in person for the first time. She's happy, you know? Smiling. She has friends among this group of yours and she's talking to them, hanging out with them. You, too. She's pursuing her dreams. My sister and I can see that. She's so different from the way we'd seen her last. This past couple of weeks, we've watched her be friends with you and the rest of the Circle, and we understood what had happened between you two. Feyre confirmed it for us yesterday." She paused. "We know you're together. And I've called you here to tell you—" She moved a step closer to me, a menacing expression appearing on her face—"if you break her heart or hurt her in any way, I will hurt you in the same way, ten times worse." It was then I understood what this conversation was. Nesta was playing the big-brother role of making sure her little sister was safe. I was glad Feyre had someone like that in her life. Even better that it was Nesta Archeron of all people._

 _I looked straight into Nesta's eyes and said, "I love Feyre. I will never hurt her or let anyone else hurt her. If someone does, they'll face my wrath." A satisfied expression crossed the Archeron sister's face and she nodded._

Blinking, I came back to reality and turned to look at Feyre. I could tell she genuinely had no idea what my conversation with Nesta had been about.

So I told her, excluding the killing part and how I loved her and stuff. I didn't think she was ready for that. After I'd given a summary of my talk with her sister, her shoulders slumped and she went quiet. I didn't question her reaction and when it was time for her to get out of the car, gave her a peck on the lips.

 _AN: Did you like it? I hope you did. Tell me what your most favourite part was. If you want. See yah next time._


	17. Chapter 17: Love is so beautiful

_Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Sarah J Mass._

 **Chapter 17: Love Is So Beautiful**

 _Feyre's POV_

Two weeks had passed since my sisters left for Dunedin. Rhys and I were driving home, finished with the errands we'd been running.

"So, Feyre," I looked up at him, surprised to hear a tremor of nervousness in his voice.

I frowned. "Yes?"

"I have a question."

"I figured," I said, wryly.

He gave me a shy, amused smile. "I was just wondering…did you want to come over for the weekend?"

My eyebrows raised. "Like, stay the night at your house?"

"Well, I was thinking the whole weekend, but if you only want to stay one night, that's fine, too." He said, glancing between the road and me. I just stared at him.

I'd been over plenty of times for studying or just hanging out, but I'd never stayed. Had never had the courage to. Until now. After months of just being smitten over Rhys and enjoying all my time with him and his friends, I felt confident that I was safe at his house.

But he was asking me to stay the night. Alone. In his house. The idea and was appealing and daunting at the same time. I hadn't ever imagined staying over at his house, but now the idea seemed so perfect.

"Where would I sleep?" I couldn't think anything better to stay.

"I would like to sleep together in my bed, but if you're not comfortable I could move into the lounge?" He said, and I couldn't help but love him a little more at that moment. He was always thinking about me.

When I didn't speak for a minute, just stared at him lips parted, he quietly said, "Feyre?"

I blinked. Took a deep breath. "I want to sleep in the same bed as you."

His head jerked around, eyes wide. "Really?" He asked, clearly astonished at my answer. I nodded. He smiled, wild and carefree, his perfectly white teeth shining. "Okay. You'll need clothes to sleep in and clothes for the next day. Obviously." His voice was animated. I was glad to see that a simple yes to sleep in his bed with him could make him so happy. If just sleeping together made him so happy, how happy would other things make him…? And then he suddenly said, breaking me out of my thoughts, "Oh and you'll also need something fancy. I have a thing planned for you." A cheeky smile was on his face. My eyes narrowed, wondering what this thing could be. "I don't suppose you'll tell me why?" He shook his head, grinning. The disappointment at his response was quickly replaced with love. If keeping this secret made him so happy, I wouldn't take it away from him. I would do everything in my power to keep that smile on his face. "How fancy?" I asked.

He smirked. "Date-night fancy."

A couple of days later, I found myself loading my bags into Rhys's. It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I made sure to shout a bye to Mor before hopping into his car. As we drove, he said, "So, I was planning to first drop off all your bags at my house before maybe hanging out around Shoreline Lake Park. Get lunch there, maybe for a walk on one the tracks?"

I nodded. "That's fine with me." Anything was fine if I could do it with him.

An hour later, I found myself having brunch in a cafe, looking out to the sea. Rhys sat across from me, and I was picking on a blueberry muffin which I had ordered to eat while I waited for the actual food. We talked the whole time until suddenly he went silent. I was cleaning up the last dregs of my muffins, trying to get every little bit, and as I looked up at him, I happened to have my index finger between my lips. He smirked, eyebrows lifting slightly and I yanked my finger out, blushing slightly. "What?" I snapped at him, embarrassed and wiping my hands with a napkin.

"Nothing, nothing." He said, chuckling. "You're just…" His pupils widened the smallest bit. "You're cute." My eyes narrowed. "I want to lick you. All of you." He finished. I just stared at him, biting my lip to stop myself from gaping and squeezing my legs a little. The cocky twist of his lips told me he noticed. _Damn_.

Thankfully our food arrived them, effectively shutting down any further comments.

The rest of the day went much like that. Rhys continued to tease me and I was able to get in a few jabs back at him too, making me very proud of myself. Around four in the evening, we headed back to his home in Palo Alto. Even now, after I'd already seen it latest five times, it stunned me.

His one-story home had a grand total of four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a lounge area and a "gaming" room, as he liked to call it. On the outside it had light brown bricks, a small staircase leading up to the front door, a brown garage door darker than the bricks and a grey roof. The front lawn was pretty, small shrubs lining around the edges, and it always seemed to be at its peek condition. I didn't know if he tended to it himself or someone did it for him. Inside was a small corridor lit by mini LED lights and an antique-looking round mirror hanging on the wall at the end. The first time here, he'd told me the mirror belonged to his mother, one her few prized possessions. He'd kept it there, not to remind himself of her death but the joy he often used to see in her face when she was looking at it, remembering her own parents.

A single door on the right led to the garage, and the left side opened up into the lounge area where all the guests sat. On the right was the kitchen and the dining table in front of it.

Another corridor at the back of the kitchen led into the bedrooms, bathrooms and the second lounge area which Rhys used to play x-box, watch tv and just hang out with his friends. The interior of his house also had the brown themes going on with white rolled into it.

I loved it. The first time I'd walked in, it had instantly felt like home. Warm and safe.

Today, we played some x-box, which he had taught me how to play the second time I came around, card games like Go Fish, Snap and Uno and then watched a Marvel movie. Around seven, I told Rhys I was going to take a shower and then unexpectedly, he told me to change into the fancy dress I'd brought with me, and not to come out into the kitchen until he told me I could. "Why though?" I questioned his strange instructions, but he just replied with, "It's time for your surprise."

In the bathroom, I quickly washed myself and my hair. While changing into my dress, I started smelling coffee coming through the door. It was a nice smell if a little strong. On my way out of the shower, I noticed the end of the corridor leading into the kitchen area looked like it was glowing red and orange as if the sun was setting right here in Rhys's house. I called out to him, taking a couple of unsure steps. "Wait! Stay where you are, don't move and close your eyes." He shouted back. I frowned but obliged, curious despite myself about where this was going.

A few seconds later, I heard him gasp and instinctively opened my eyes. There he was, standing at the end of the corridor, mouth slightly open in a silent gasp, eyes wide. When he kept staring at me, I nervously ran my hands up and down my dress, and said, "Do I look alright?"

I'd been groaning as I rummaged around my closet, occasionally throwing a piece of clothing over my shoulder. I was having difficulty finding something I was sure Rhys would like. It didn't take long for Mor to come in. "What are you groa—" She'd stopped, eyes wide open as she stood at the threshold, and looked at my room. It had gotten quite messy, what with all the clothing strewn around the room. I told her what I was looking for and she immediately dragged me to her own cupboard and found me a dress.

It was that dress I was wearing now. It was blue and white. The neck was deep, the straps coming to criss-cross across my back. Two slits ran up my legs up to just above my knees and there were another two cut-outs above my hips.

Mor had had to threaten to strangle me to get me to pack that into my bag.

I had eventually relented because I really did find the dress pretty and something told me Rhys would like it too.

And it seemed I was right.

Rhys was still staring at me so I said, "Rhys?" He blinked rapidly before bringing his eyes back up to mine. He stammered, "Fey-Feyre. You-you look very beautiful."

I smiled a little shyly, "Thanks." He shook his head like he was clearing his head, and approached me.

"Close your eyes." I did. "And don't open them." I nodded once. Flinching slightly when I felt an arm wrap itself around my waist and a warm calloused hand cover my eyes, he led me out to the kitchen. The smell of coffee got stronger and when I turned around the corner, he moved his hand down but kept his arm around my waist. I kept my eyes closed. It felt like I was looking straight at the sun with my eyes closed. _It's so bright!_ I thought. And then he whispered in my ear to open my eyes.

My first reaction was an involuntary gasp. I couldn't help it. The blinds were closed, lights off. Everywhere candles of all shapes and sizes were lit. On the tables, couch armrests, beside the vases, next to a lamp, on the dining table, on the ground in the edges and around corners. Everywhere. Coming from the two biggest ones was the scent of coffee.

The dinner table was set for two: fancy plates, cutlery, glasses, all the jazz there. Small portions of different dishes were laid out. I noticed they were all my favourites: croissants, butter chicken, cheese pizza and my most beloved, cheeseburgers. In a large jug, he had some grape punch if the dark purple colour was any indication. I loved all these foods and especially the punch and burgers, but half of them, I'd never even told Rhys I liked them. So stupidly, all I said was, "How do you know I love butter chicken? Croissants? Never once have I told you that."

Though I couldn't see him, I knew he was smirking, eyebrows raised. "No thank you's, when did you do this, how did you do this? Straight up. How do I know you like butter chicken and croissants?" I blushed but said nothing. He sighed. "I asked your sisters. I've wanted to do something like this for a while now. Just didn't know when." My heart stuttered.

Two weeks. For two weeks, he had been planning this.

Two weeks.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Feyre?" He said.

"Why? Why did you do this?" I said in a louder, more clear voice.

He was silent for a couple of seconds before coming to stand in front of me. I slowly raised my chin and looked into his eyes. He smiled. "Why not? I love you." My heart stuttered. He'd never said that before. "I love you so much." He chuckled lightly, eyes wide as if he couldn't believe his won words." Sometimes I feel like I'll die from just how much I love you. I love you so much, it hurts. It's the least I could do." He looked down. I put my hands on his cheeks, cupping them, and kissed him.

"Thank you," I said, pulling away and leaning my forehead against his. "I want you to know…" I paused, hesitating a little. "I want you to know that I love you." His lower lip trembled and a tear trickled down his cheek. I wiped it away with gentle fingers as I said, "I want you to know that I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belongs to you. And I am honoured—honoured to be by your side." I wrapped a hand around his neck and brought his lips to mine. His hands came up to rest on my waist and we lost ourselves in each other for a few minutes before he pulled away and gasped, "Dinner's getting cold."

That night, I was the bathroom, getting ready for bed. I looked into the mirror and saw someone so different from who I'd been in January. It was like we were two different people. Then, my face had been gaunt and dark. My eyes were drawn and dark circles were prominent on my face. My lips curved downwards. I hadn't smiled in forever. I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed. And now, it looked like my eyes were practically glowing. Everything was glowing. My eyes, my skin. Even the way I _talked_ had changed since then. Before it had been boring, bland. Now, it was like I was basking in starlight. My voice sounded lilting and soft. My lips seemed to permanently turn upwards. The dark circles were no longer there. All the pimples and blemishes had disappeared.

But no, they hadn't. There was an acne scar right there, just peeking through my hairline and another one on my nostril. They were all there. And yet, I was beautiful. I _felt_ beautiful. I knew I was beautiful and I owned it. In the mirror, I watched as a smile light up my face. I was beautiful and nobody could tell me anything different.

 _AN: Love yourself, guys._


	18. Chapter 18: He's back

_Disclaimer: All credits go to Sarah J Mass_

 **Chapter 18: He's back**

 _December 2019_

More months passed as Rhys and I did better than ever. Everyone knew we were together and I loved that. Just that day we'd been talking about moving in together. I couldn't think of anything more thrilling than that. Rhys had started opening up to me lately, though he never told me exactly what had caused him to become so closed off, so guarded. I never pushed. It had taken so much from me to tell him about Tamlin.

Tamlin. I had managed to get him out my head. Until this month. Every other day, I'd imagine him around a corner or in a crowd, but when I looked back, he was gone. I felt like I was being followed, watched at, but when I glanced around, no one was there. It was making me paranoid. Frightened. Each time, I told myself I was just picturing him. He couldn't possibly be here, in California. He was in Auckland, far away from me. But then why did I keep seeing him?

Kicking the thoughts out of my head, I didn't let any of that come between Rhys and I. The only thing I could do was be with him and make sure he knew I was always there for him. That he could come to me whenever he wanted and talk to me about anything.

—

We were at the movies that day. It was late, around 8 or 9 in the evening. The nights were colder now and it got dark quickly. I had three layers on underneath my thick coat. Just as we reached the doors of the cinema, he said, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Meet you outside." His hand slipped out of mine as he walked back towards the bathroom and I smiled at his back before heading out of the building. Outside the only sources of light were the bright street lamps and the full moon. A sharp breeze was blowing. I could feel it on my face like pins and needles and my nose was going numb. It was tolerable for the first couple minutes, but then I started breathing into my hands and putting them against my cheeks in an attempt to warm them up. Then I heard someone call my name from behind me.

My mind went blank at the voice.

Memories went through my head. Kisses, hugs, smiles, dates. Everything and more.

His name echoed in my head, with words like 'run' and 'danger' also running through my head. It would sort of look like this if the words were physical.

 _Tamlin danger run run run not safe Tamlin danger run danger not safe not safe not safe run run Tamlin Tamlin Tamlin._

I watched as the words skimmed from left to right, over and over. I knew I was in danger; I knew Tamlin could hurt me any second, that I wasn't safe. But I just couldn't run, no matter how much I wished too. My limbs were frozen, unwilling to move. "Hello, Feyre." He said, smiling wickedly and coming to stand in front of me.

I shivered, not from the cold, and squeezed out the words, "Hello, Tamlin."

"How are you?" He asked as if we were still friends, as if I hadn't left him because he'd let me get raped. But those words brought me out of my trance. I was able to move all of sudden because I was angry. I was angry at him for putting me through all that heartbreak, angry at myself for freezing, angry at the law that hadn't thought it necessary to put this man behind bars. But no more. I refused to be weak, unable to fight for myself. And so before he could realise what was happening, I kneed him in his groin. "Fuming, you fucking asshole!" I said as he fell to his knees, groaning. I kicked him in the stomach, causing him to go farther down. And then I just kept going and going and going. I vented out everything, and it. Felt. Glorious. "I'm angry about what you did to me. I'm pissed!" I said as I kept kicking him here, punching there. "I'm angry at myself for letting you put me in that position. Do you know what he did to me? He fucking raped me. Do you what that is? Sex. He forced it on me. And you let it happen. You fucking let it happen, and I will never _ever_ forgive you for that. I will not let you put me through something like that ever again. I will not be weak again. You'll never have me." I said laughing, half with hysterics and half with adrenaline, and finally stopped my assault on the son of a bitch. I had started attracting an audience, but I just shot them all of them a wide smile, probably looking like a crazy woman who needed a trip to the mental asylum. I didn't care. Tamlin was at my feet. I hadn't let him scare me and I was proud of myself for that.

It was then that I noticed Rhys, walking towards me. He stopped dead about five metres away from me, but he wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was staring at Tamlin who was groaning in pain, blood dripping from various parts of his face where I had punched him many times. Looking back at Rhys, I noticed how pale his face had gone. I'd never seen his face so immobile. It worried me. I kicked Tamlin again, making sure he wasn't getting up anytime soon and walked over to him. Bringing my hand up to his cheek, I said, "Rhys?" His eyes stayed glazed for several seconds, before he finally blinked a couple of times, and brought his eyes to look into mine. I swallowed, once again struck by just how beautiful his violet and silver-flecked eyes were, despite the tears brimming in them. Drops of tears started falling from his eyes and I moved to wipe them away with my thumb. He swallowed, and it looked as if he had to put in a lot of effort to force the words out, but he finally did it. "Tamlin killed them. My family." His shoulders shook with tears and then he was full out sobbing. He fell to his knees and I went with him. I didn't pressurise him into telling me anything else. I knew he would when he was ready. So I did what I could. For several minutes we sat there on the pavement, my arms wrapped around Rhys, rubbing up and down his back, as he cried. He'd held himself so strong and so closed off from the rest of the world, and now it was coming all out. I was so damn curious to know exactly what Tamlin had done, and I knew whatever he'd done was bad, really bad, but I held my tongue. And then several more seconds later, I watched as his sobs finally subsided and he reached into a pocket to get his phone out, and I listened to his side of the conversation. "Hello? Officer Wu? It's Rhys…Yes, it's Tamlin. He's sort lying unconscious in front of us…Um, my girlfriend beat him up?… We're in Palo Alto, at the cinemas… Yes, that one…okay, thank you." He hung up, turning to me. "The police is coming. I'll tell you the rest later." His eyes still had a haunted look but they were definitely more aware now. I nodded giving him a close-lipped smile, and we settled in, waiting for the police to arrive. They arrived in less than ten minutes and soon we were watching as the officers handcuffed a near unconscious Tamlin and lugged him into the car. An Asian officer—I'm assuming the Officer Wu Rhys had been on the phone with—came to talk to us. I gave him a summary of what had happened, which in turn caused him to warn me against assaulting people for no reason, but thankfully he let me off with just that and a knowing glance at Rhys. Soon after that, the police were off, taking Tamlin with them.

We both let out a huff of breath in relief once the car was out of sight before turning back to walk towards our car. Rhys was silent the whole drive back home, but finally, just as I put my hand on the handle to open the car door, he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me into a kiss. It was frantic and rushed and passionate. He pulled me over the console and I settled in, straddling his hips. His mouth moved down to lick my jaw, to nibble on my earlobe, to suck on my throat. His hand slipped underneath my shirt, and he moved his arm to wrap around my back, pulling me even closer. We were both panting, not wanting to let the other go, but eventually, we broke apart with a gasp and tried to get our breath back. He leaned his forehead against mine and we breathed in each other's scents. We were finally breathing normally when he spoke. "I'm sorry, Feyre." I immediately opened my mouth to object, shaking my head, but he stopped me with a thumb to my lips. "No. I need to apologise. I'm sorry for what he did back there. He must've seen me hanging out with you, and was trying to get back at me by hurting you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I stared at him in astonishment, confused by his words.

"What do you mean, get back at you through me? He knows me from high school."

"What! What are you talking about?" He jerked back, looking straight into my eyes.

"I mean that he was in my high school. He was the person…my boyfriend." He stared at me, his face showing only shock. And slowly, I watched as that shock turned into anger. He started cursing loudly at Tamlin's name, and I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen, so I kissed him. _That_ shut him up. "And why would Tamlin want to get back at you? What happened between _you_ two?" I reminded him of my original question. I heard his breath catch, and he looked down. Lifting his chin with my finger, I saw his eyes had started watering again. Blinking the tears away, he said in low voice, his head going back down, "I guess I have to tell you now." It sounded as if he were talking to himself. He sighed and looked up at me. "Come on, let's go inside. I'll tell you there." As we walked up to the front door, I shyly asked him, "Would you stay tonight?" He smiled at me, though the corners of his eyes didn't lift, before nodding. I smiled widely, happy that he was staying despite everything that had happened tonight, and gave him a peck on the cheek, before hurrying up to the door and unlocking it. Mor, I knew, was already sleeping in her bedroom, so we were careful to stay quiet. "Why don't we get ready for bed first, and then I tell you how I know Tamlin the Tool?" He said and I smiled at the nickname before nodding.

Fifteen minutes later, I found myself lying in Rhys's muscled arms, my cheek on his warm chest. He was wearing a plain, worn-out t-shirt and sweatpants, which he had left here the last time he was over. His hand was hooked around my back, and I felt it as he took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever was to come. Placing my hand over his heart, I could feel it racing. I moved to kiss his neck, wanting to calm him. I settled down again and I knew he was smiling as he kissed my hair, taking in my scent. And then he told me.

"It happened in the winter break, a couple of years ago. There were three of us. Tamlin, Amarantha and—what's wrong?" He said lifting my chin, a small frown on his face. I'd jerked at the name 'Amarantha'.

"Amarantha was one of my teacher's names. Amarantha Smith." I told him, my voice sounding strangely dead. He pressed his lips together in disdain, nostrils flaring. "Let me guess. Red hair, black eyes, slutty nature?" I nodded. "Guess they stuck together." He said, shaking his head in disgust. I sighed, realising Tamlin and Miss Smith had been together the whole time. It just made so much sense. Rhys carried on after a few seconds of silence. "Anyways. Amarantha was my girlfriend." My nose scrunched up involuntarily. Rhys noticed. "Hey, it wasn't my fault. I was stupid and young. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I _thought_ I loved her. And maybe I did at that point, but obviously, _she_ didn't. All she cared about was the money." That last part was to himself, his voice shaking with anger. He shook his head. "You'll see what I mean, later on in the story." He sighed. "Tamlin was her "brother" and my best friend. Or at least, that's what they led me to believe. And I did. We did everything together, us three." He paused, obviously regretting the time he had spent with the two. "I'd known them for about two years, before that night. They were staying over at my house, nothing new. They'd stayed over plenty of times, and of course, not once at theirs. When I questioned them about it they shut me up with their lies and excuses. Their father was a drunk addict, the house was under renovation, no food. All lies. And I, of course, believed them." I could hear the anger rising in his voice.

I said, "Hey, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know. And they must've been great at lying. It's what they do. They lie and lie and lie, but that doesn't mean it's your fault that you didn't realise. None of this is your fault, you hear me?" He stared at me, and then just carried on, clearly not agreeing with any of what I'd just said. I huffed, frowning, but let him continue. "I'm not gonna stretch it out. Tamlin was sleeping next door and Amarantha beside me. A gunshot woke me up, followed by a scream. I run out of my bedroom, barely processing Amarantha's absence. And then there she was. Amarantha, wearing her silk, purple nightgown," Tears poured down his face but his voice remained steady. "A gun held high in her hand pointed straight at my loving mother. I watched as she fell right down in the threshold of her bedroom with a thud." He was silent for a few seconds, sniffling and gulping as he tried to stop the tears from escaping. "The bitch must've panicked or something because when she saw me and it was clear that she'd shot my mother right in front of my eyes, making me a witness, she shot me too." His hands lifted his shirt and I looked down to find a round scar. The bullet wound. I looked back up as he pulled his shirt back down. "I collapsed from the pain, and soon I was out of it from blood loss. The next time I opened my eyes, I found myself in a hospital. It was two days after that night. Officer Wu, one of the many who were a part of the investigation that happened afterwards, told me what had happened. Tamlin and Amarantha were criminals with long records. He had raped my sister and killed her afterwards, while Amarantha stole all of Mum's jewellery and the money we had saved up from the safe. A neighbour had called the police at the sound of the gunshots but by the time the police got there, both of them were gone. My mum and sister who had meant everything to me were dead and I was following closely behind. But they found me in time. Got me to the hospital. And no matter how hard the police tried, they couldn't find Tamlin and Amarantha. It was like they had disappeared off the face of Earth." He paused, swallowing hard. "Until now."

"My father was often away for his job and when he came home to find his wife and only daughter dead… He died soon after. From grief, I suppose. Mum and he had always been crazy in love and he had been sick for some time at that point, anyways. It only took a month and then he was gone too, leaving me completely alone." He paused again, swallowing as he got his emotions in check. "That winter break, I stayed in that wretched house, just staring at the tv or the stain of blood in my sister's bedroom or the spot where my mother had fallen. I only left the house once in about three weeks to get some groceries. I talked to no one. I isolated myself from the world." He paused. "A week before I was supposed to start college, I heard a knock on the door. I ignored it at first, but when they didn't go away, I opened it. It was Mor. I hadn't seen her in months and then all of sudden there she was, in front of me, hugging me. She brought me out my isolation a little but still, I didn't talk to anyone at college. Mor was still in high school. She wasn't there with me to force me to socialise. Halfway through the year, Cassian came up to me. We became the type of friends who always fought. And then Azriel came. He was constantly alone in college, and one day Cassian and I decided to talk to him. After that, we just clicked. I started thinking them of as brothers, as…family. I was scared though. I had already lost one family. I didn't want to lose another. I talked to Mor about it. She had already met them by then and helped me get rid of the fear. And then Amren came into the picture—she and Mor were friends from high school and before long, we were the Inner Circle, as we like to call ourselves. I had a family again." He looked down at me, tears brimming in his eyes. "I had a family." He repeated, his voice cracking. I just wrapped my arms his neck and kissed him.

I said, "You have a family, and they love you very much. Don't be scared. They love you. They won't ever leave. I swear on my life. They will never _ever_ leave you." I kissed him again, slightly longer this time. Things were getting heated, but then suddenly he pulled away, a nervous look in his eyes. "Feyre, you know how I said the Inner Circle are my family, right?" I nodded, confused. "Well, since you and I love each other, you're a part of that family. You know that, don't you?" I looked at him for a few seconds before nodding, a light smile on my face. He smiled back at me and kissed me, flipping me onto my back.

Deepening the kiss, I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling him closer to me. His hand on my hip, he groaned, bringing his lips to my neck, my ears, temples. He kissed every part of my face, and I groaned in desperation. I could feel every pore on my face burning as his lips passed over my face. And then he moved on and the fire was replaced with ice-cold air. I needed to feel him, to _touch_ him. I wanted him. My hand drifted underneath his shirt and he groaned, pulling back far enough that I could easily pull the t-shirt of him. Now naked in front of me, I could see his chest rising and falling in great big gasps. Slowly I brought a hand to touch his chest, breathing deeply. He was pure muscle, hard and rippled. I felt one of Rhys's hands squeeze my hips and looked back at him. "I want to see you," He said softly, hesitantly. I nodded. My hands went to the rim of my shirt and he stopped me, getting there first. As he slowly pulled my shirt off me, he whispered in my ear, "I want to be the one to do it. Let me do this, for you, for myself. Let me—" His voice cracked—"let me touch you."

I cupped his cheek and met his gaze. "I love you, Rhys. I will for as long as I live. I want this. I want _you_." A ravenous hunger had started building in his eyes and I watched as my words set him on fire. He kissed me on the lips, softly whispering, "I love you too, Feyre." And then he unleashed the beast in himself.

We were a tangle of limbs, kisses, groans, moans and sweet, whispered nothings as I marked him down his back, his arms, as he _devoured_ me.

Moaning, our clothes came completely off and he, with heart-breaking gentleness sheathed himself inside me. Once I was accustomed to him, he thrusted with that same gentleness and I came trembling and sobbing as we kissed. He kept moving and I screamed his name, as I came once more, his roar of pleasure mixing with mine.

—

We fell asleep in each others arm, my head nestled in his arm, his other arm wrapped around my waist. I could feel his hot breath on my ear and his soft snoring. I woke in the middle of the night, overheating from his warmth and gently unwrapped his arm from around me. Once I'd found a comfortable spot again, I let myself look at Rhys's resting face. Not a single wrinkle or blemish marked his face. He was mine and I was his. Looking at him in that moment, I knew where ever he was—that would be my home.

 _AN: Hello. My story's come to an end, did you know? It's the end and I find it so surreal to think of how far Feyre has come since the beginning of her story. I hope her actions in my story have motivated you to keep going, to never stop no matter how hard things can get sometimes. I've always had high expectations from myself and they more often than not take a huge toll on me mentally and physically. But still, I keep going. Because if I don't, there's no point in living. That's the way I think, at least. You may have different views but I think anyone and everyone could use a little push in their life. I hope my story was that little push for you. I hope Feyre motivated you to keep going because to keep going means you'll eventually find that little or big thing you started your journey for and the happiness I'm sure you'll feel at the end...that happiness is worth all the trials and turmoils life will throw at you. It's worth it. Trust me, I know. You just have to keep going to find it._

 _Also, I_ do _have a little more planned. It's really sweet and I would tell you what it is, but I want to keep it a surprise. It's not necessary to read the rest of the chapters but I think you'll want to if you've already stuck with me so far. I'll upload them all on the same day, as soon as I've edited them. Thank you so much for reading until the end. I appreciate it and you more than you could ever imagine._


	19. Chapter 19: Their Ending(Part One)

**Chapter 19: Their Ending(Part One)  
**

 _Five years later…_

 _Rhys's POV  
_

I stared at the ring in my hand. I'd called Mor over to my house. Feyre's house too. We'd been living together for more than four years and I'd known her for at least two years longer than that. I still couldn't believe that after six years of being with Feyre, I was finally doing it. I was, though. She deserved it. She deserved the world. And as hard as I might've tried, I'd failed at giving her that. It had never felt enough. And because of that, I'd concluded that the only thing I could give to her was…me. It was as simple as that.

But I needed to show the ring to Mor first. I need to know that it was enough, that Feyre would like it. That Mum would approve. The ring had been in my family for generations, passing from one female down to the other. The ring had been for her, my sister. My beautiful, beloved sister. But she was no longer here. I knew if Mum had had the chance, she would've told me to only give this ring to a girl who would be able to stand equal to me. To know when to show compassion and love but also bravery and her steel-will. Whoever got the ring had to be worth it.

Feyre was worth it. I was sure of it. But I still wanted to show Mor.

When I brought the ring out, Mor gasped. She looked up at me, eyes wide, and then back down. And back at me. And then back down. Up and down her head went a few more times, before finally stopping. A slow grin spread across her face. "Really? Are you really doing it?" I nodded. "Oh, Rhys. Oh my god, Rhys! Oooooh, my god!" She hugged me, tears streaming down her face. "Oh Rhys, I'm sooo happy for you. You two are perfect together. You're going to be so beautiful together." She hugged me again, and I knew that she was right. Feyre and I were beautiful together. Perfect.

—

 _The next day…_

 _Feyre's POV_

"It'll be okay, alright. It'll be fine!" Sarah said to me. I was panicking. She'd already helped me with the organisation of the whole exhibition. Exhibition! Our very own, first exhibition, ever! I'd been working on it for so long now and it was finally coming together. We'd spread the word and were expecting a fair amount of people to walk in, in exactly one hour.

All the money generated would go toward Heal By Art, the organisation Rhys and I had established together. It was an organisation that helped anyone and everyone with any mental issues or trauma they were going through, by way of art. It wasn't just my paintings here on the display. Every single person who came to even one of my weekly classes had at least one painting on display here. Heal By Art wasn't just about overcoming your own turmoils though. I liked to think of it as a place where anyone who needed the help or friends could come in and have fun. They were safe from the outside world and for just one hour, they could forget about everything in the world—work, school, family, friends, deadlines to meet, things to do—and just be. They could lose themselves in their paintings and have fun doing it on their own or with the friends they made at each class.

I loved my work. I loved what I was doing. I loved to see the first time a person came in, all sombre and unsmiling but left with eyes slightly more bright and aware, skin glowing a little more. And with each class, they attended the glow intensified. They smiled more, laughed more. They got out of their comfort zones and tried something new. They could put all their emotions into their paintings.

It was heaven. Everything I'd ever dreamed of doing.

The exhibition started and the first hour passed sluggishly. Rhys wasn't here. After he'd helped me with the founding of Heal By Art he had moved into finance. He helped multiple companies, as well as Heal By Art, and was always moving from one meeting to another. I helped him when I could, and I didn't mind. We both loved our work and always made sure to get home on time no matter what so that we could have those few hours together every day. He had another meeting today which meant he couldn't come to the exhibition. It was disappointing but he had promised to make it up to me. I was holding him to it. A few more hours passed as I talked to people, explained to them what Heal By Art was and just watched as everything went perfectly. The exhibition was doing what it was meant to do—get the word out that we were a thing and anyone could come in and join. They could make some friends, get some help, and learn the skill of painting as an addition.

Around three in the evening, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Sarah. "Rhys is here." She told me, smiling. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Really! Where?" She pointed in the direction of the door and I turned to find him there, standing in the doorway, looking at me with a wide smile on his face. I ran up to him, throwing my arms around his broad shoulders. "Rhys! You made it!"

"Of course I did, Feyre Darling. How could I have not?" He said, tightening his arms around me.

"But what about your meeting?" I asked, pulling away to look at his handsome, tan face.

"Finished early." I smiled. He carried on. "And can I just say, you look absolutely stunning in this dress." He held me at arm's length and I blushed. In the five or six years, Rhys and I had been together, I'd gotten a lot of confidence. I no longer shied away from male contact and often wore sleeve-less or knee-length dresses. I enjoyed wearing these type of things. I knew Rhys found them to be very flattering on me, and I loved how beautiful I felt in each one. Today, I was wearing a thin-strapped dress that came down to my ankles. A slit ran up my right leg and the neck cut straight across my chest. The print was floral, all pink, purple, blue and green colours. I utterly loved it, but hearing it from Rhys made it that much better.

For the next couple of hours or so, I showed Rhys around the place, just like I had with the people who had come in. We talked with others, discussed the paintings and accepted praise about the organisation itself, the artwork hanging around the place and other things too.

In the end, I thanked everyone, with Rhys's arm around my waist and mine his, for dropping in and told them all their donations would be very helpful and that they could drop into the studio, where I held the weekly classes, any time they liked if they were considering joining or even just to look around. Once the building had been cleared of all the paintings and taken back to the studio, we came home and I was taken aback at finding dinner already made. When I expressed my surprise, Rhys said he'd come home first to do all this before coming to the exhibition. "Did you really make it though?" I asked incredulously, aware he was not telling me everything. He stared at me, his eye narrowing slowly before he grudgingly shook his head and said "Takeaway."

I laughed, and kissed him. "Well, thank you, anyways." He smiled. We settled in for dinner and quickly finished it. I was just getting out of the bathroom, ready for bed, when I noticed him. He was sitting right there at the foot of the bed, head down. He was rotating a small box in his hand, nervously, his knee bouncing up and down. I paused. As the night progressed, he'd slowly been getting quieter and quieter, as if lost in his thoughts. I'd just put it off to exhaustion or something from work, but now, seeing that box in his hands, I wondered if he quietness had been for some other reason entirely. Suddenly his head snapped up. "Feyre." He said, gulping. I stared at him. He stood. Crossed the small distance between us. And then he started speaking. "After some time, the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone else can become very daunting or the best feeling in the world." The room around me disappeared. "It would have to depend on your partner. I've thought about it for so long now, that the idea of spending the rest of my life with you seems like a given. I don't know anything different." My eyes widened. "I would need your acceptance, of course, for that. But don't worry, I know you're stubborn so I've prepared a few reasons why you should say yes to me." I gulped. He wanted a _yes_? "I love you Feyre. I have since the day I saw you for the first time in that class. I often find myself looking at you and thinking that I feel like dying. Like I can't breathe. I think that I want you so badly, I can't concentrate half the time I'm around you. You were my salvation, Feyre. You saved me from myself." I sucked in a breath. "You were my friend through many dangers. My lover who had healed my broken and weary soul. You waited for me against all hope, despite all odds." Tears dripped down my face and I wondered if love was to weak a word for what he felt, what he'd done for me. For what I felt for him. And slowly, so slowly as if the world was moving in slow motion, he dropped down to his knee. Took my hand and placed the box, open now, in my hand. I gasped. Inside was a sapphire ring, the stone so deeply blue. Put in the right light, the six points off the star would radiate across the round opaque surface. The ring itself was twisted strands of gold and silver, flecked with pearl. I started nodding before he even finished the words: "Will you marry me, Feyre?"

"Yes," I whispered. Tears slip down his face. Tears were slipping down my face, I realised now. His expression said he couldn't believe my words, so I said, "Yes," louder, but still, softly. "Yes. yes, yes, yes I'll marry you." My voice got louder and clearer with each yes, and he smiled, more widely than I'd ever seen him smile. He took the ring out of the box and pocketed it. I watched as he took my hand again and slipped the ring on to my finger. His eyes were on me the whole time, and as he stood to his feet, I threw my arms around his shoulder, and legs around his waist. He laughed, twirling me around the room, and kissing me everywhere he could. "I love you, Feyre," I heard him say, "So much."

"I love you, Rhys." I whispered back.


	20. Chapter 20: Their Ending(Part Two)

**Chapter 20: Their Ending(Part Two)**

 _A year later…_

I carefully set the tiara on her head as she stared at herself in the mirror. Nesta. It was her day today. Exactly one year after mine. Elain and Azriel were going to have their day too, in only six months or so. I helped Nesta into her dress and she nervously fixed up the baby hairs that had escaped her hair which was groomed into a crown. I touched up her blush and made sure she looked perfect. She did. She was finally ready. I kneeled in front of her so that our eyes were at the same height. I could hear her breathing deep with nervousness. "He loves you, Nesta. I know that in my heart, and I know you do too. Don't be afraid. Be happy. Together." She looked at me, tears in her eyes.

"Thank you, Feyre." She said and I smiled before helping her to her feet.

—

I half ran-half walked up to the left side of the altar, giving a small smile to Rhys in his black and white suit who's standing on the other side with Azriel, and put my hand in Elain's. I felt her squeeze mine and I squeezed it back quickly before bringing my attention to the aisle. There, at the back, Nesta stood in her regal white-laced gown, an arm linked with Father's. A Thousand Years on the piano filled the small garden area where Nesta and Cassian had decided to get married. They walked slowly, in time with the music, Nesta's gaze never leaving Cassian's. He looked stunning in his simple black and white suit with a light grey tie and had an amazingly wide smile on his face. I could see his impatience and excitement just looking at him bouncing on the balls of his feet. I smiled.

Nesta reached the altar, and Cassian took her hand. They spoke their vows and then each said, "I do." And kissed. The audience broke out in cheers and applause and I smiled, remembering my special day and Elain's upcoming one.


	21. Chapter 21: Their Ending(Part Three)

**Chapter 21: Their Ending(Part Three)**

 _6 months later…  
_

I dry heaved into the toilet, gasping. The third time this week. I'd been due for my period a week ago.

Rhys was at work, and I'd taken the day off, instantly feeling sick and bloated when I woke up. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, before changing into some sweatpants and a t-shirt and driving to the nearest pharmacy. I quickly picked up a random pregnancy test before coming home. Ten minutes later, it was confirmed.

That night when he came home, dinner was already made. He kissed me before going to the bathroom to freshen up while I made him a plate and put a DVD in for us to watch together.

Once dinner was finished and we were ready for bed, I pulled Rhys into my arms. "I have something to tell you." I say slowly. He silently cocked his head in question and I swallowed, biting my lip. I hesitated, taking some deep breaths, and he frowns. "What is it, Feyre?" He says bringing me down to sit on the bed, beside him. I swallowed once more before speaking. "I'm pregnant." His eyes widened and I instantly worried that he didn't want this, not now, not ever. But then Rhys's lips curved into a giant smile, laughing, and I realised he did. He did want this. He wanted this with me. His laugh was like music to my ears and I was stunned as he kissed me, sweetly, softly, as if we had all the time in the world. And that was the magic of it. We _did_. We did have forever. "I love you Feyre. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much."


	22. Chapter 22: Their Ending(Part Four)

**Chapter 22: Their Ending(Part Four)**

 _Five years later…_

"Come on, Isa!" I shouted as I left the door open behind me. My hand was on my belly, as I got into the car, making sure I didn't bang it anywhere. I didn't think the babe in my stomach would enjoy that. Seconds later, Isa came out too, closing the door behind himself. As he got in the car I asked him to if he had everything. "Books?" A nod.

"Lunch box? Drink bottle?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Pencil case?"

"Yes, Mama!" He exclaimed, stretching out his _yes_. "Let's go! We're gonna be late." I ruffled his dark, shaggy, hair, smiling.

I drove him to his school and before he could get out of the car, I kissed him on his forehead. As he got out of the car, I said, "Bye, Is. Good luck!" But he was already lost in the crowd of kids before I get my last words out. I drove away with the memory of his crushing blue eyes, that resembled Rhys's so closely, shining with excitement for his first day of school, and his mouth, just like the one I had, stretched in a wide smile.


	23. Chapter 23: Their Ending

**Chapter 23** **: Their Ending(The last part…I think)**

 _Forty-five years later…  
_

"Rhys." I croaked, worried. He was on the bed, his skin pale, hair streaked grey and silver. He was having a coughing fit and I shouted to Nia, telling her to get her father a glass of water. She came in seconds later with a glass and he thankfully took it from her, smiling even as he choked. After drinking a few gulps he put the glass on the bedside table with shaky hands. His head thudded down onto his pillow, sighing as if that small action alone has exhausted him. His mouth opened in speech but I couldn't hear what he's saying with my deaf ears. Nia took her ear to his mouth and told me that he wanted to speak with me in private. I nodded at her and she left the room. I slowly walked up to him, grunting as I sat on the edge of the bed, beside him. I sighed, before looking to Rhys. His face was crinkled and paper-thin. I laid my hand against his cheek. His skin was dangerously warm. "Rhys?" I said.

Smiling, he said, "Feyre." Even after all these years, I could still hear the love he felt for me in his voice, even in the one simple word, and as he spoke, I thanked whoever was out there for having brought us together. "I'm dying, I think." He chuckled and tears escaped my eyes as I scrambled to wipe them away. His smile didn't leave. "I love you, Feyre. I have always loved you. You made me happy. You brought Isa and Nia into my life. You brought _yourself_ into my life. And stayed. I will forever be thankful for that. Thank you Feyre, for giving me the best life I could've ever imagined living." He coughed, spitting out some blood. I looked at him with worry as he quickly tried to wipe the blood away, not wanting me to see it. Rhys didn't have long left. As he wiped his hand with a tissue, I knew he was thinking the same. He looked back at me, tears glimmering in his violet eyes that still shone bright, untouched by the years that had passed since we met. "I want everyone to be here. I want to tell them that I love them before I leave." Tears streamed down his face and into his hair. I wiped them away, kissing him on his forehead before nodding.

It took a few days for all of them to arrive. There wasn't a lot of us. Nia and Isa's families were already here; Mor, Elain, Azriel and Varian, Amren's partner, had already left us.

Nesta, Cassian, their kids and Amren came in, my kids following behind them. Isa helped Rhys upright on his insistence before he addressed all us. "You all have been so wonderful to me. I will forever be grateful to all of you. Every single one of you brought light into my life and I will forever remember that, even when I'm long gone. Thank you for every single laugh, smile, hug, kiss, each and every one of you gave me." Each of us hugged him, tears falling down our faces.

Nesta's family didn't stay the night but Amren did as she'd had to fly in while Nesta's family had driven here. While Amren and I worked making breakfast the next morning I asked Cara, Isa's youngest daughter, to go and bring her grandfather into the dining room. Not two minutes later, I heard her shout. "Gran! Gran! Mom!" Spotting me in the kitchen, she ran up to me and said in a low soft voice, "He's not waking up. He's gone, Gran." I stared at her for a few seconds before giving her tight hug. That day, I spent the whole time crying at Rhys's side.


	24. Chapter 24: Their Ending(The Final Part)

**Chapter 24: Their Ending(The last part…actually, now)**

 _Three years later…_

"It's my turn now," I croaked out to Nia and Isa. They sat on either side of me, eyes swollen and gaunt. A sob escaped Nia. "It's okay, Nia. It's time for me to go now. Everyone has to go at one point." She shook her head, unwilling to accept it. I laid my hand against her cheek, and Isa's. "You two were one of the best things that happened to your father and I. We never regretted either of you. Thank you for all the joy you bought into our lives." A cough racked my body and I felt blood at the back of my throat. I swallowed it before saying, "Be happy, alright? After I leave, don't mope about it. Instead, remember the fun times we had together. Be happy." I smiled at them.

That night before I closed my eyes for the last time, I thought of Rhys. The first time we met, the banter between us, our kisses, our wedding, when I'd told him about Nia when we held our first grandchild in our arms. Such sweet memories, sweet times. The sweetest of them all.

I fell asleep with a smile on my lips and a peaceful mind.

AN: *sigh* The end. I've already said most of what I wanted to say but thank you so much for reading. I felt the last few chapters were necessary as I wanted to give Feyre and Rhysand the ending they deserve. This was it for me. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it. Let me know what you think. XOXO


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